Amanda

o3/o8/o5

2005-08-03T16:43:00.000+08:00

Hey hey..here to update once again. Many things happned within the group in school.But first i think i'll talk about the choir first.

Recently, we had a preview of the performance in church. I invited Theresa, Debbie and Sam. I invited Syl but unfortunately her mum wouldn't let her go. Anyway, all the choir members were feeling rather nervous and excited. Im sure those who has performed on stage before knows how we feel. I was one of the few people to enter the church first. Only the center portion of the church was occupied. My eyes were searching for Theresa and the rest but i couldnt seem to find the. Hahas. First 3 songs went okays i guess. Then Marie started strolling in followed by Theresa and the rest. They started pointing at me and i kinda know they were saying,".....manda there~!!!" hahas. Then i saw Samual(sam), a long time no seee friend. We didnt screw up that bad that day compared to practices. After the 4th or 5th song, the choir felt more relaxed and sung their heart out. For agnus dei, leo sang the solo part. He went totally off. Heard that it was due to melvin's wrong pitching thats why leo couldnt hit the note. But we didnt let that damped our spirits, we continued to sing like choirs of angels for the rest of the performance. hahas. Then, we arrived at Hallelujiah. Heard from sam that theresa cried when we sang that song. That song was meant to be joyous, not to cried over. hahas. But overall, it was a great experience and a great warm-up for the actual performance at empress on the 20th august. Be sure to go watch~!

Yesterday in school, something happened. Something real bad. I dont wish to mention what but i affected Theresa, Sam, Sylvia and me. We all broke down suddenly and the whole class was shocked. Kaung(thats how his name is spelt) cam quickly and conforted Theresa and Sam. That was the day that i feared the most and it all came true yesterday. Sigh. But i think today everything was quite fine. I should be able to get over the thing faster then before. But right now i just wanna out on a happy face and make everyone happy~!

I dont want to broad on this matter. So i'll type till here..stay tuned~!

21/o7/o5

2005-07-21T16:24:00.000+08:00

Hey hey..finally decided to update my blog..haha for the past month, the choir has been busy preparing themselves for the Vatican performance on the 20th August. We've been slogging our guts out every weekend for 3h each. I think we are somewhat perpared for the performance. Next saturday we're having a preview of the performance at Nativity church. All are welcome to come and enjoy. It starts at 8pm so be sure to come earlier. For the past month, some misunderstandings aroused within the choir and caused a few of the non-church members to give up joinning us for the vatican. Well, i think that as adults, they should learn to take things in their stride. Okay, i shall not elaborate more. The songs itself were a killer and now comes the dress code. We have to wear all black and for females, we have to get long or 3 quarter sleeved blouse and get a long skirt or a pair of long pants as they dont want to see any skin colour. So troublesome. My dad is very fed up and said that what if those people very poor and no money to buy how?He arhs..everytime also like that. Dont care. Life was stressful in choir the past month. As for STAC, Geri left for overseas studies in God-knows-what country and Sam has come back to us! The choir is getting more recruits now and Selene and i can get to sing more parts! YEa!

The past month, i've been hooked up to maple story. Playing it night and day was what i did and am doing now. Common tests are coming just next month and i still cant be bothered. Just now i played ms and there is this player that keep ks-ing me. So i defamed her. Then she got her friend and her other characters to defame me. I was so pissed off so i got MY other character to defame her again. Haha. Irritating, annoying but exciting.

Im enjoying myself in school nowadays. All my friends company and just making them irrisistable. haha

I think i'll update till here. Catch me soon!

15/o6/o5

2005-06-15T15:48:00.000+08:00

Hey hey..its been sone time since i blogged..sigh..i had the strangest dream w few days ago. I DREAMT ABOUT WORLD WAR III. Oh man. This was what happened. i was with the usual gang[ Theresa, Yue An and Sylvia]..it was the first day anx we knew that the war was starting soon. We prayed that nothing will happen and nothing happened on the first and second day. But on the third day, we saw planes flying across our heads. From there everything went horribly wrong. Japan/Germany [cant make out which country lah] started attacking us and took over my school. The general became the principal and had his soldiers to patrol the school. All the students were terrified as they knew things were going to go real bad. One day, there was a outbreak in school. All the students were trying to escape from the school compound. Those that were caught were tourtured like hell while the rest that escaped were safe...for the time being. My gang and i, fortunately, managed the get away safely. We hid at the void deck opposite the school. Afraid that the soldiers will see us, we went to another place which had waterfall. Some how, i landed up with 2 guys instead of Theresa they all. Then male A met this girl and fell in love with her. ~bla bla bla~ Then i woke up le. Strange dream huh...The next mornining i was very disturbed by the dream. But didnt care lah.

Choir is proceeding well. Hallelujah is at last mastered by the sops or at least manged to get pass that page 173. Having sectionals tomorrow night and i havent learnt Almighty Fortress and Guard and Guide Me. Im busy having TKD training now that im not fighting for school but NATIONALS! Cool yea but the pressure is certainly big too. Having practice this sun when A.K is coming back from wherever. Hope that we can master the songs in time for the thingy. Daniel said that if we buy the clothes on our own, we will have different shades of black so we're going to have a tailor to custom made our clothes. It costs about $30 like that. Sigh.....NO MORE $$$$...

o5/o6/o5

2005-06-05T21:42:00.000+08:00

Hey hey..these few days i've been really really stressed..all the pressure from choir is really pushing me to the limit. The past few days im been receiving many many complains from the other sections that the sops suck. I know people are looking down on me and my abilities. But if the sops dont wanna put in the required effort to learn the songs, what more can i do? Im just a little girl with limited power, how much can you all expect from me? Besides this is a BIG project and naturally the pressure for doing well is even bigger. By complaining, to me they are indirectly saying that i dont do my job well. They are questioning my abilities and my qualities. i know im not a good section leader and i admit i dont do a good job. But there's no one to coach me nor guide me. I have no experience unlike leonard and gerianne. They are adults and they know what to do and not to do whereas i? A kid. A normal, with no music background nor training, girl. I myself need help in the songs and yet i have to lead this whole group of middle-aged women. What am i going to do?? I need help. There are many things i have in mond to do with the sops but im just not capable enough to do it. I just cant.

Im really stressed. Everything is falling apart. Did i mention i was stressed?? ~oh~ 2 days ago, i bought a new hp..i paid half the price~! Cost me a bomb man. ~sheesh~ Sigh. Lately my heart isn't into anything. I dont feel like doing anything at all except sitting in front of my computer or watch tv. After watching ' My Date with a Vampire III' , im starting to wish that i could turn into a vampire. Then i would be invincible. I can kill anyone i wish to kill and go anywhere i wanna go. All i ask is for a carefree life..is that too much to ask for??

This morning i was late for mass. Came in only during psalms. I am sick...AGAIN~!After mass, we all went to the back for practice. Geri was feeling hot so she had 2 fans surrounding her, which made my hair in a mess. Isa and jas were laughing at what she was wearing and i think geri got very pissed off so she kinda bitched them off a lil. Now..i finally know how geri felt when we kept laughing at her after today's incident. Im sad to say...IT WAS TERRIBLY ANNOYING..sigh..

I've been putting on a mask for so long and now i dont even know who i am. A mask in front of the choir, in school, in front of my parents, in front of my friends..practically in front of everyone. I seriously need to find back the old me. I think im getting more and more proud by the minute. sigh..stressed man. Maybe its just the weather.

o1/o6/o5

2005-06-01T13:56:00.000+08:00

Hey hey..long time never update le. Life went on as usual. i still havent get another cca yet although im determined to quit bball. It's such a chore to go for training. But these few days i'll be having TKD training therefore i cannot go. In mid june i will be going for a TKD tournament. Lets hope everything goes well for me. Now that its school holidays, i can take a breath le. No more teachers chasing me for homework. hahas. But i still have to go back to school to hand up my 9 pieces of undone work TODAY but i never go cause i havent do finish yet. hahas. Very bad i know. Tomorrow i might be able to get a new hp le~! hahas. N 3230...the phone i always wanted. Actually is Theresa intro to me one, aiya i see the functions very nice also. As long as it has 1.3 megapixel camera and blue tooth wireless connectivity, its so-called a perfect phone to me. hahas. Cant wait man. Excited. Sigh. Tomorrow got trainig and im not going again then at night got sectionals for bass, altos and sops.

Choir is progressing very well. i think the sops can be better if they be very sure of their parts when they come for practice. I think im not a good section leader cause i cant seem to get the sops to understand me. I think the sops will drop at my hands. Oh man, sigh. Tomorrow's sectionals, leonard wants to come down to do ave verum and i'll be doing ' Just as i Am' and ' Ave Maria' . Gerianne has recovered from her chicken pox and is now back in alto. Wonder when sam is coming back, STA really needs him. Sigh.

Life now is like a tornado. Everything is in a mess. Too many things are on my shoulders and i dont think i can handle all at once. School work, cca, choir, parents, my brother. Now that i dont have a maid at home, i have to do housework. I dont have enough time to learn the songs for vatican and that jeremy is pushing psalms to me. How am i going to learn all at once??? I cant handle it anymore~! I NEED A BREAK

This year is streaming year for me. Thinking that next year i have to be seperated from Theresa and the rest, i feel extremly devasted. Its like...we've bonded within these 2 years and now they are going to seperate us. I dont know if we'll be able to go out and have good times like now next year. The past few days i've been sad. I dont know why. Theresa seemed different to me. very different. Its like i dont know her anymore. I tried to like talk to her but everytime i see her, i'll go "...sigh..dont talk lah..." Well..maybe its me. Sigh. This is so SUCKY.

16/o5/o5

2005-05-16T14:09:00.000+08:00

Hey hey..im blogging here right now in school. Just got bak a few of my results. My maths got only a c6. Its very depressing. I very sad. Cried for the whole hour in school. Looks like my dream really came true. Sigh. My history got only B4. My friends they all got highter then me. All A2 leh. Im not happy at all. I dont wanna lose to my friends all the time. Why did it turn out like that? I tried my best. I did put in all my effort but the results that was produced wasn't up to my expectations. Tell me what to do? What am i going to answer to my parents and uncle? Will they understand?? I doubt not. Sigh.

Yesterday went for cat class. Feeling rather sleepy cause i didnt have a good night's sleep. So slept during the talk. After cat class, went home got changed and went out with my parents. We went to tekka mall. Felt EXTREMLY sleepy so i decided to just stand there and not shop. I almost fall asleep you know. After that, sent my mum to my aunt's place to play majong. Headed home straight. Reached home, bathed and decided to watch Heavenly Dragon. Watched till about 8.30pm at night. Went online for a while. Had conference with Theresa and gang plus the section leaders of the choir. Crap with the gang and left cause had to do some serious business with the section leaders. Off the com at about 11pm plus. Feeling extremly tired so i went to have my beauty sleep.

Choir is great. This thurs sops having sectionals so is basses. Then sat im going to miss choir practice cause im having a chalet. SO annoying. But at least my mum agrees to let me go for the mon event. But all is not confirm. I'll pray hard. So far i think the songs we've covered are okay only. Some parts we dont blend and the timing is off. Sigh. Sometimes i really wonder if our choir can be compared the St Francis Xavior Youth Choir. Oh man. They're internation GOLD choir you know. So envy them. Hope everything goes smoothly for us.

Today i came to school with a happy heart but now im leaving school with a depressed face. At least i managed to get a B for my chinese.....but a C for my maths. Looks like i can never get into the pure science stream anymore. I give up. Life is making a fool out of me. I studied so hard and this is all the receive back. I had really high hope for maths and now this is what i get. Its really disappointing. I even cried in school loh. This is the first time i felt so down over maths. But it still cant be compared to music. I cant believe that i actually thought maths was kinda fun. It look like now im wrong. IT SUCKS~!

ps. im having a chalet[ my relatives will be there of course], anyone interested?

14/o5/o5

2005-05-14T23:00:00.000+08:00

Hey hey..just came back from choir practices. Practice was fantastic. The hallelujah is a KILLER~! We used the whole session doing ONLY hallelujah. It was surprising that all the sops can hit that high. Hahas~! I FINALLY RECOVERED~! alright man. My voice is back i suppose. Hahas. We blended really nice in the begining then screwed up some where in the center but some how managed to blend back for the ending. Miricle isn't it? Next sat we're doing all the songs that we've done. Thurs there is sectionals again for the sops. Then on mon[ vesak day ] we have some programme from morning till noon. It's a very good programme but i doubt i can attend it cause i got some chalet going on. I HATE CHALETS~! Keep making me miss practices one. Sadded. So angry with my parents loh. Of all days must book a chalet on the day that my choir got events. *slap* Everytime like that one. Stay at home not good meh? Why must go out? Sickening loh~!

Tomorrow have to wake up early to go for mass at 7am. Leo asked me to help print the full set of scores for Bernice. WTH. Think what? i photocopying machine arhs?[oh man..i just saw lightening across my window~!] Exmas are finally over~! Can play till i drop dead le! During this period, i'll work hard to polish up my voice. I believe i can do it and some day i'll make it. Hahas~! I know..big dreams.

Mon i have to go look for the band teacher in charge. The conductor say i can join band but that Mr Koh say cannot. Slap him loh. Band needs people now and he's rejecting me.What is he thinking man. Although i'll have to learn from the scratch but i pick up things fast so no worries. Hahas~!

I think i'll write till here. Have to sleep if not tomorrow cannot wake up.

11/o5/o5

2005-05-11T20:52:00.000+08:00

Hey hey..its been such a long time since i blogged. Having exams right now. Tomorrow having maths paper. Today had maths paper 1. Didnt manage to complete 2 questions and got a few questions wrong, so i think overall deducted about 5-6 marks le. After fri im free~! no more exams for a long period of time. Hohox~! Everyone is so stressed with exams now. Even my friends are going home straight after school to study. But is like maths, you cant do last min one loh. Last min revision will only make you even more confused. So why bother doing last min maths. Wanna do last min study, study history. Confirm can absorb the information one. Hahas~!

Choir is so stressful~!Being the sectional leader, i have to know the songs before i go for practice. Unlike before, i ah-ga ah-ga know how to sing then i go liao. Sometimes, i dont even feel like going for practice anymore. Boo hoo hoo~!But i still have to. Now that i have bigger responsibilities, i cant so immature anymore. The 2 sisters are joinning the vatican too. I think i have to learn how to look things from a different angle. Maybe i should try to be nice to them and see what happens. Tomorrow we're having sectionals at audi room from 8pm to 10 pm. Tonight basses are having their sectionals. A.K called all section leaders to have ther own practice beofe this sat prac cause we're doing a very difficult song this sat. Doing some hallelujah song and agus dei. Oh man. The hallelujah is EXTREMLY difficult. Can die just listening to the midis. So scared that i wont be able to deliver the right thing to the sops. Besides, now im still sick. Voice sounds like a man. Shit lah. What should i do???I've been listening to the midis for the whole day and cant seem to catch certain parts of the song. T_T

Right now im saving money to buy N3230. It cost about $349 like that. It'll take me years to save that lind of money. I think maybe in june i'll go look for a part time job or something. My dad still cant get a job and my mum is very stressed. I cant depend on them too much, therefore i need a JOB~!anyone please offer me a job~!anything~!im broke..officially BROKE! Heard that Geri is sick..so to Geri: Get well soon babe. Dont miss out too much on prac. The altos are missing a leader. Everyone is dying here. hahas~!

Okies i gtg listen to the bloody midis again. BB~!

o5/o5/o5

2005-05-05T22:06:00.000+08:00

Hey hey..its been some time since i blogged. Hohox. Many things happened to me. Whoa~! Now im in the middle of having the major exxams. English and chinese are done leaving all the other learning subjects. Dont think i did well for the both subjects as chinese i know i got 6 questions wrong and english i dont understand a single bit what the bloody passage was talking about. Everyone was cracking their brains as i could the ' crack crack' sound. Hahas. Theresa and the gang went to study today whereas i went home with my parents and bro. I've decided to buy a new hp on my own. Saving up $348 to buy my dream phone. It'll take me 2 months without eating to save up that amount of money. Sigh.

Went for the vatican practice. Amanda Koh appointed me as the section leader for sops and she assumed that i could read music. But the thing is, can i? I doubt it. I dont even know how to lead loh. Of all people me. There's better choice of people like Joyce and Mary or even Jessica[ that is if she's participating lah]. Well. i should be happy cause its what i've always wanted, to lead and succeed. But it looks like the sops under my lead are getting worse instead of better. Sigh. Can get really stressed because of this man.

I have many plans for after exams. Im going to play till i kee siao. Go round Singapore with Theresa they all and play or take neoprints. But i still mist save money for the new phone. Hohox~! People if you have come across any great deals regarding phone that have 1.3 megapixel. CALL ME~~!! oOops. hahas. okies i'll write till here.

30/o4/o5

2005-04-29T13:53:00.000+08:00

Hey hey..exams are coming. Everyone is busy preparing for mid-year while im still slacking. Im just not in the mood to study. I find that im feeling closer to my school friends then my choir peeps now. So many things happen in church which just makes me wanna cut myself from all things involving church. At last i've found my group my trust-worthy friends. THE TAU FAMILY. Ever since i made friends with them, my life changed completely. For the better. Im grateful that God sent this bunch of lively, caring friends to me. Well i should say that its my honour to make friends with them. Yesterday, went out for lunch with Theresa and Sylvia. Before that, we sent Debbie and her grandma to the interchange. Her grandma is very........nice..hahas. She looks contented with whatever she has now. I must admit, Deb's mum is really ReaLlY REALLY.....naggy!!! hahas. oOops! hahas. xP We proceeded to hougang plaza for lunch. Ate home made noodles. Fantastic man. Then we sat down and chatted for quite a long while after that Theresa wanted to eat ice cream so we went to Mc Donalds' to eat and sat down to talk about our past. Hahas. We were practically laughing the whole time. But time passes fast and soon we had to seperate.

This morning came to school. Brought my hp and discman. Asked Theresa and Sylvia to buy batt for me cause i got no batt to listen to my cds. In the end they didnt buy cause got not enough money. So i couldn't listen. sigh. Sms-ed Deb during lesson time. Actually today like no lessons like that, everyone was practically sleeping or talking cause today is Sports Day and we would be released early. As usual, the Weiqi teacher played this really really fabulous anime show for us to watch[related to Weiqi of course]. We were so engrossed that we didnt want the show to end. Hahas. Looks like we have to wait till exams over to watch the next episode. Then it was 12 and all the band members went to the toilet to change into their band tee, leaving me all alone without company. They left, feeling very high. School ended, called my dad to come fetch me cause i got lotsa books to bring home, if not the stupid uncles and aunties will throw away our stuff. Damn the school. Dad and i talked about the maid. She didnt something which she was not supose to do. She had sex last sun[her off-day] with some other guy at a hotel. Oh man. I cant believe that she actually did this. Shame on her. Bu zhi siu chi. Hahas.

Choir has not been very good for me. Ever since the sluts came in, all the leaders have been speaking up for them. I told myself, if they dont provoke me , i wont go and provoke them. But instead of THEM, the leaders are the ones coming to provoke us! I cant stand it anymore. So what if they're better then us? We are coming together to worship God not to have some competition in the choir. If this the reason they joined the choir, i think they should do some soul searching. This sun there is practice for the Vatican. Heard from leo that there is a audition to see who is suitable to join the Vatican thingy. If this is the case, i wont wanna join anymore.

These few days, i think i've been giving myself too much unecessary stress. This is causing me to explode. I've been feeling exhausted and moody at times. In school i try my best to put on a happy mask in order not to spoil my friends' day. I've been putting on too many masks until i dont know who i really am le. Can anyone tell me??

23/o4/o5

2005-04-23T23:20:00.000+08:00

Hey hey..today is sat already. Just came back from choir practice not long ago. Cat wants to slot the sluts into cantoring already. Oh man, this is faster then i expected. Heard that all the songs submitted has beem rejected cause they're all not up to standard. So tomorrow they're having a meeting so discuss the matter. We practiced the hymns for tomorrow and next sun already so tomorrow morning there'll be no practice. At last, i get to eat my mee pok dry. Hahas!

Today woke up at 8am and went online for a while. After that went for a 5h tuition at my grandparents' place. Study maths until the brain burst arhs. Went burserk. Hahas. Had instant noodles and carried on with the tuition. Was suppose to go a haircut one but then the hairdresser not in. Kept calling until 4.30pm then i gave up and maybe tomorrow then go or maybe even next week. Dont know what kind of hair style i should cut. Hahas. Try something new but not too horrible looking. Yesterday went to dont know what restaurant for dinner. Guess what. I HAD FREE FLOW OF ICE CREAM!!! oh man. I quickly told sylvia and got her so jealous. Hahas. It was a steamboat come bbq thingy. Ate all sorts of ice cream[ i think ]. Whoa, eat so much my stomach bloated man. I think i really have to go on diet man. Then had a conference with theresa and sylvia. Talk all crap hahas. Reached home at about 10 plus. Exhauted from all the eating[ requires alot of energy you know].

Heard from deb and syl that i can join band le!!!! Oh right man..! so happpy. Thanks you guys..!i think im going crazy from all the joy. Hahas.

21/o4/o5

2005-04-21T14:20:00.000+08:00

Hey hey..things didnt turn out the way i expected them to..i didnt manage to get in to band. Sylvia and I went to look for Mr Koh after school. Found him in the band room. He said that i joined too late, if i had joined in the beginning of the year, he might have considered. Sigh. Why is this happening to me? I placed so much hope on this day and i get rejected by the band teacher in charge. I tried to hold back my tears when he said those words. After i thanked him, Sylvia accompanied me to the toilet. She could tell that water works were starting soon. I tried my very best to control but i failed. Tears came pouring down uncontrollably. All i thought in my mind was why why why why. I just couldnt understand. Well, to Sylvia: Thanks for accompanying me throughout the down moments i had. I knew you meant well. Sorry for not answering you when you talked to me. She walked me all the way to the LRT station when band was starting soon....A BIG THANKS!!!!!

School was okay i guess. Today reached school at the normal time. Was stil feeling down and didnt talk till after music lessons. During dont know what lesson, Theresa and Sylvia were talking about band. I heard their conversation and i turned away as tears started to flow for a while. Stopped when the teacher was coming. Now Theresa and Yue An went for photo taking while Clarice and Sylvia are here with me cause they dont wanna take photo. Sigh.Took my music test today. Was great i think. Mrs Liew said good. Oh well, we'll see.

On Tuesday, went for TKD. Feeling very slack. Didnt kick and stuff. Sigh. Sianx. A NEW POPE HAS BEEN ELECTED!! This saturday practice for eveyone instead for the vatican. Now im preparing myself for the biggest war in choir. The 2 sluts are good i must say. Leonard said that they are better than isa and jas sim. I dont know about me cause i was there and maybe he didnt want to say it in front of me. Oh man.

I never sms him anymore. Dont wish to get too involved with him. We'll just be normal friends. NO more than that. Thats it..!

18/o4/o5

2005-04-18T16:26:00.000+08:00

Heyz..things went as per normal today in school. Went to scholl kinda early today. Today sec 4 band members are stepping down as SYF is over. All the juniors felt sad and went to be with them for the last few moments in band room. Heard from Yan Ting that when they received the news that nchs band only got silver, almost everyone cried except 2-3 people. hahas so kua zhang. I made a mistake, oral exam is tomorrow instead of today. Hengs man.All my friends[the usual hang-out] were feeling sad, i think Theresa is overly depressed that cause her to be so crazy today. Yue An hardly talked in the morning until after recess. After school the rest went to the band room while Joanne and I went to compass point to have lunch.Bought a new comic..forgot whats the title. hahas.

Came home not long ago.Bumped into my brother and maid downstairs.Considered it for a very long time and finally i've decided.Im not going to hold on to that hopeless hope.Its not possible i suppose.Maybe its just my wishful thinking.Well, we're just not meant to be afterall.We'll still be friends of course but maybe i wont be going out as often.Its about time i let go.What's not mine will never be mine.I admit i may be jealous at times due to some information from certain resources but what can i do.hahas.Take things in my stride.I give my blessings.

Well, wish me luck that i get into band and be able to quit bball.Hope everything goes smoothly for me and everyone..!

17/o4/o5

2005-04-17T21:05:00.000+08:00

Hey hey..just came back from a extremly short choir practice..this morning went to church..sang solo for a verse..forgot what song was that already...went off pitch i must say..then sang parts with jeremy for mass orders...after mass we went to the audi room for choir practice..the 2 sisters didnt follow..practiced till 9.15..too late to go for breakfast so we ate something light at the church canteen and then proceeded to the hall for praise and worship..after cat class sat down in the canteen to chill a little then went home with jas sim..not long later went to grandpa's house for tuition..didnt really do well..got scolded by my parents..received a last min notice that there is a short practice for a hymn which will be sung next sun "Long Live the Pope".Got the scores from Melvin sang through the hymn a few time and thats it..a very short practice indeed. Only Leo, jason and i turned up..after practice had a small talking session over the vaticant..some songs were rejected and now its a compulsory for all choir members to participate.

Sigh. im feeling..unusually sad. i think im going to let it go. Im dont think i have the strength to hold on to that hope anymore. Im tired. Very tired in fact.Tomorrow got oral exam. Will be staying back. Dont think i'll be going for bball training this wed cause need to go see Mr Koh about joinning the band thingy. Well hope everything does well on Wed. I bet my parents dont know how i feel right now. They dont know how stressful i feel. That Ms Pey dont let me go, choir having some competition within ourselves, vaticant, transfering over to SRC and him. Sigh. Tell me what to do man. Im exhausted..i need a break..i think i'll write till here..

16/o4/o5

2005-04-16T23:07:00.000+08:00

Hey hey..just came back from choir practice...feeling very down...though i know no one knows...sigh..this morning met up with dar..went to his house for a while then proceeded to hougang green for breakfast and to take passport sized photos for the poly application...his hair was gold and not acceptable so we went to buy black hair spray...oh man...expensive you know...after taking the photos, we took bus to NYP....roamed round the school...the campus is so damn freaking big okies...bumped into one of the teachers there...found out that the admin office wasnt open on sat...we were like =.="...oh man...then we came out by another exit..that bus stop only has bus 72 so we walked all the way to the other bus stop which was located all the way at the other entrance of NYP...tired...after that we went back to his house...his brother and grandpa were at home..the 2 brothers played computer games...then dar kept on hitting his bro..hahas...his bro is very naughty...hahas..can tell...looked exactly like him...then at 4.30 pm, we walked all the way back to church cause SRC had practice...so i went home alone...

Practice was okies...the 2 sluts came...we were like..oh shit...shi jie mo ri...all the sec 2s tried their best to sing...but that leonard just had to say something to provoke us...."...im already loving them..."..then compare us to them...whatthehell...so angry okies...after practice met up with dar and mel to have some singing sessions...sang till about 10.45 then decided to leave for home...dar didnt walk me back...maybe its too late..he shook my hands and thats it...sigh...i dont know why...but im kinda heart-broken...well...maybe thats all he really has to give...i'll just have to accept the fact....sigh....

Im still feeling troubled over the cca thingy...Ms Pey still dont wanna let me go....oh man...tell me what to do???

15/o4/o5

2005-04-15T16:46:00.000+08:00

Hey hey..many things had happened in school...i told my team mates that i wanted to quit bball..then some big mouths go and tell the teacher in charge when i told them not to..very angry...then Ms Pei came and talk to me followed by Mr Chan..ms Pei so what loh..."...i dont care..im going to retain you in basketball......"like that loh...by standers dont know the reason loh...i wanna persue my dream in music...and i wanna start by joinning band in school or something...i dont like sports...why cant they understand...i didnt wanna join in the beginning one loh...is my cousin pull me in one...i cant stand all the training and stuff..i'd rather not have any potential in sports then regret not joinning what i want to join...they keep talking about the team...i already extend it till after the zonels..but that Ms Pei just wont let me go...at least that Mr Chan still say he'll try to talk them round after the zonels...all they thought about was the team..did they ever think about how i feel...i have the right to do what i want you know..and what i want to do is quit bball...i dont wanna remain in it...people may think that i enjoy bball...but the fact is that i dont...i wanna concentrate on music..not sports...you get it?the passion i have for music is hard to put it down in words...

Sigh...been down lately and i have no one to talk to..everytime i wanna fins dar to talk to he's not here..then i wanna talk to marie she's not there either..i dont know who else i can talk to...im depressed over the cca issue..sigh...i dont know...exams are coming...first week of may...im going to work hard for the next few weeks in order to score well for the exams...sigh....dont know what i should do....God help me...!i need the strength to carry on...

Choir practice for the vatican is on the 23 of april i think...if im not wrong, its something like SYF..something like a competition...dont worry guys, i'll work hard for this...this sun im suppose to do psalms but due to my sickness i think jeremy will have to do it in my place...sigh...dont feel like going for cat class this sun...really dont feel like going...i wanna pon...anyone wanna pon with me?sigh..

Today my school's band is having their SYF competition...good kuck and all the best!!! must bring back a gold for us horzx! So far my school has managed to win choir:Bronze Dance:Gold then the rest i dont know liao...a job well done people..!!*applause*hope that they'll continue to work hard for the next SYF in 2 years time...tonight the results will come out for band....i hope it'll be good news...

12/o4/o5

2005-04-12T15:00:00.000+08:00

Hey hey...im here to blog after a very long time..many things happened lately...i have these un-named people tagging my blog...at first they went to tag dar's blog and now they come to tag mine...these people seriously have nothing better to do than to write nonsense in our tag boards...very furious over this issue...but oh well...got to learn to forgive and forget...hahas....its like i didnt do anything loh..and these stupid people anyhow say i...................................i shan't mention here...so stupid loh..dont they know what is called shame???sigh..

On sunday, i went out for luch with dar, jas and isa...saw anne in the middle of our lunch..dont know which big mouth go and say we wanna transfer to SRC...then make me kanna scolded by anne...shit them...but oh well...at least now i have some sense in my head and wont make any rash decisions about choir...all thanks to that FEW PEOPLE...!! anyway...yesterday went home late..got scolded by my dad cause i was suppose to go home early as i was sick...sicko....told him that i got life science course..but he was still angry in the end..hahas...

Couldn't sms dar cause his bill bursting liao...slept early so did reply his smses...sorry..he's depressed over certain issues...how i wish i could be there i fen dan half of it..but i cant...i guess he's still feeling sad over what has happened the past few days...hope god will guide him through the hurdles he face in his life...oh well....~pray pray pray~

Been really stressed lately...but at night there is always someone to company through the night...hahas..Thursday got music test...been practicing really hard for the test..hahas....how i wish i could turn back the time when i had everything i wanted now...i would cherish them as though they're my life....sigh....what to do??my life is in God's hands..at least now i have a few very good buddys in school....[ those sitting around me ]thank you so much for being there when i needed u guys....and those in choir...I LOVE U PEOPLE..!!!hahas...okies..i gtg...will update in time to come...

o9/o4/o5

2005-04-09T08:17:00.000+08:00

Hey...blogging in the middle of the night..just came back from choir practic enot long ago..really exhausted..maybe its because im seriously sick...that stupid jeremy lah..passed all his germs to the choir..now almost the whole choir is sick....my voice is on the verge of being lost...nose all watery..throat is being stuffed with flamme...i've used countless packs of tissue paper already and is still using..sigh...i had a tough time finding my way to cat's house...i walked all the way from Rivervale View to Rivervale Link...dont know about 4 bus stops away...so tiring..then i met up with selene...manage to get through the guards...walk a BIG round when we finally arrived at cat's house...whoa..living room got air con..so nice...practice started shortly..as usual selene lead with the warm-ups....then we sing sing sing...after the singing session, we sat down and had talks..regarding some choir stuff and church stuff...had some oreos and biscuits...then left her house at about 10.45 like that...went to the bus stop and waited for bus...the bloody 119 drove passed us after we waited for it for about 15min..then we continue waiting loh...all boarded the bus leaving me and jason behind..at last another 119 came..we boarded that bus and went home...tired arhx..

i got into some kind of trouble in school...i poned my bball training twice in a week..!!cause i not interested in bball anymore...but due to the up-coming tournament, i have to stay and train...well...then its too bad for me..ms peh looked me up and demand a explaination..hahas...so i just gave her loh...bought a pair of new bball shoes this morning at queensway shopping centre...cool sia...cost about $97..

The next choir practice will be held in sun after mass from next week onwards i think...due to the choir exhibition thing...well..i've decided to participate cause i think it'll be a very good experience for me..although i kow its gonna be very tense and stuff..some more the practices are in the middle of my mid-year examinations...dont care lah...just now went to compass point to look for my comic..but no avail...went to hougang mall and kovan..also dont have..so i asked my friends to keep a look out for me..cause that book never re-print already..if cannot find means dont have..then i'll have to give up the whole collection...sigh...i think i'll write till here..too sick to continue liao...

o5/o4/o5

2005-04-05T15:00:00.000+08:00

Hey hey..at last i get to blog..i had to wait for my friends to have their oral done in order to pass them their comics books..the past few days were horrible for me..i thought i wont have to shed a tear again..but it seems that i was wrong...anyway..went for mass yesterday which was held for Pope John Paul II...the whole church was filled with catholics...i didnt join the choir cause i was in a very down mood...couldnt even open my mouth to sing with the congregation...i was suppose to meet Jason at hougang mall at 7pm then go to church together one...but then my handphone went totally flat(what a great time to go flat...)..so i couldnt receive any messeges from anyone..i waited till 7.15pm..gave up the wait and headed for church...saw you-know-who there..decided not to go up...afraid might break down any moment if i see him...so i just sat in a corner, hoping no one would spot me..unfortunately a couple of people spotted me and asked me to go up to the choir to sing...obviously i rejected the offer...so i remained in the corner...the psalms was my favourite piece...but it was sang by Melvin...i didnt join in the singing...halfway during the mass i broke down...feeling very depressed over the Pope and him...during communion, Marie saw me..well all i did was raised my eyebrows...mass ended at about 9 plus...i stayed back to pray..i prayed that he will find his half..although i know we'll never be together..controlled my tears cause when i reach home my parents will certainly ask what's wrong..i also pryed for the Pope..i dont know why..i've never met him before nor heard his voice...but i actually cried for him...feeling as though i've lost a father or something..really depressed these few days...i tried to put up a brave front for everyone to see...it was tough but i still did...i said nothing to anyone...all i can do now is to voice out my thoughts here..cause no one is there for me to talk to..sigh...history as repeated itself...its too much for me to take....if i could turn back the time...i would certainly cherish whatever i have properly...

Today i had geography and maths test..flunked it...again...yesterday i was suppose to have history and oral one...but my mood was terribly destroyed and i didnt have any mood to do anything...during literature today, we had to act out a play..after that i went back to read my comics..so did sylvia and theresa...Khrisnan came over and confiscated our books!!! shit him lah...slap him man...how can he like that...my precious book...then just now went to look all over for him in school...at last found him and got back our books...sianz...no sms came in the whole day....sigh...how i wish a miricle would happen...tonight got TKD..i doubt i have the mood to go either...but what to do...

May the Pope rest in peace...

o3/o4/o5

2005-04-03T16:49:00.000+08:00

Heyz..big news!! the pope just passed away...sigh..sadded...he served God for so many years and now he's gone up to be with the almighty one...people all over the world prayed for the pope's recovery but......sigh..even im feeling sad over the pope's death...but i think he has led a long and fulfilling life...well..may he rest in peace...

Many things happened...so many until i dont how to blog it down...school has been normal..Mrs Lau is giving birth soon...around April 11 like that...our subject teachers have been changing constantly thus causing the class not able to adapt to their own teaching method...my studies are like shit..begining of the year i told myself that i'll do well and study hard...but look at me now..sigh...im slacking until cannot slack liaoz...had health checkup recently..my backbone is perfectly straight..nothing wrong....everything's fine...i've bringing hp to school for the past week..not bothering if there was any spot check or anything...school just suck so much..i hate it...

Choir is very laid behind now...there is this choir exhibition being held somewhere mid year i think..and i intend to participate..although i know im not up to standard...but i insist to participate...heard that leo wants to transfer to SRC...i cant believe he is actually going to do that...STA is dying soon and he is leaving at this moment...how loyal can he be??c'mon lah...STA needs some backup and help from u people and yet he's leaving...unbelievable...today anne and geri came attended 7am mass as there wasnt any children mass...didn psalms today..i SUCK!!! sigh...the whole mass was a flop cause not many people turned up for practice last night...leo was angry i can tell...i tried my best to sing loudly for the choir..so did selene and other people...we tried our very best and yet there's people like sharron not singing...its like..ok lah im being bad here but i cant tolerate it anymore...its like...you've been in the choir for more than a year and we cant even hear u sing...the least u could do was turn up for practices and know how to sing the hymns...but her??never mind late..as long as u turn up...what kind of excuses man...i finally know how the adults feel....hey there's more not mentioned...compare us to SRC(more realistic lah)..they are like how many times better than us...and yet people are like.....".......aiya dont care lah......."what kind of attitude are they giving the choir?? Anyways...tomorrow 8pm got mass for the pope who just passed away this morning...sigh...the main choir is SRC..im going but i dont kow if im joining the choir....next sun practice will be held at Cat's place...7.30 as usual...should be able to make it lah....i think.....

At last...finally i've suceeded..we're taking a step at a time..i understand how he feels and im not forcing or anything....im just hoping that everything will go smoothly for the both of us...let nature take its course...

My dad just bought this new car..Corolla Altis...its toyota of course...collecting it this thursday..cant wait..this wed he's going for a job interview..hopefully everything goes smoothly for him...if not he'll have a difficult time searching for a job....well...there so many things to say...so many emotions im feeling now..but i just blog it down...i seriously need some one to talk to....where are u??

27/o3/o5

2005-03-27T20:56:00.000+08:00

Hey hey..yesterday we celebrated easter virgil...i was feeling happier then ever...u can never imagine how nervous selene and i were when it was our turn to do psalms..hahas...we were shivering..selene siad she never felt so nervous before..not even for her chinese o level oral exams...hahas..thats how nervous..we were afraid that we'll sing out of tune or something and disgrace the combine choir..hahas...but after i sang finish, i saw marie and helen smiling at me...i knew it was alright..hahas..came down the stage with a big smile smile on my face....happy sia..panis angelicus was fantastic..we sounded like choirs of the angels..hahas..ok im exggerating...then 33 people were waiting to get baptised...and we sang the same song for 33 times!!! tired man..everything went smoothly...Fr Bosco shaved his head botak...almost everyone couldnt recognize him..hahas..even my mum and brother thought it was another priest who just came to our church..hahas..mass ended at 11 plus..after mass, Dar, Mel, Paul, Marie and I went to 7-eleven to buy food and drinks and proceeded to the playground for supper..hahas...Dar and Paul were insane that night..dancing everywhere they go...cant help but laugh..hahas...never seen them so siao before hahas...but then my parents were unhappy with me for staying out late...they came to the coffee shop to fetch me and in the end i got a trashing from my mum...sicko..reached home at about 12 plus 1...took a bath and watched tv..slept at about 3 plus..woke up at 6 to go for mass..hahas..too happy to sleep...everyone was really high....

This morning Geri and Anne showed up for mass...wow..hahas...everyone was still in high spririts..mass was alright i suppose...next week got no children mass so they will be joinning us again...yeah! im doing psalms next week...kinda nervous again..next got sec cat class..sick lah..so sian...sigh...

I've forgiven Dar...cant help but to melt at his words...have mercy on me...!!! hahas..jk jk jk...i think its about time lah...i cant pretend to stay angry forever right?hahas.....yesterday went orchard with him to hunt for his brown shirt...whoa we walk the whole of prargon and taka. still cannot find...then decided to buy the expensive one...$46 leh..just for one freaking shirt..his heart not pain mine pain arhz(although its not my money lah)..then went to take neo card..$5...hahas..we posed quite nice lah...then i rushed home cause not ime liao..late for practice already...reached home at 5.15pm...got scolded by parents again...then i get changed quickly and off to church..met Dar in the canteen to spray his hair cause he dont like his present hair colour..hahas...like that loh..

Tomorrow school starting liao..sian man..dont feel liek going to school...sigh...havent done a single homework..and i dont intend to...what to do?im in a mess..i think my parents are going crazy..esp my mum..she scolds for the slightest reasons...really dont understand....

25/o3/o5

2005-03-25T23:06:00.000+08:00

Hey hey...the past few days has been the down part of my life..i've been doing some thinking and stuff..really stressed...choir is still the same...school work has lacked behind and i cant be bothered...haven't been paying as much attention as im suppose to..work not handed in and stuff..bla bla bla..parents never fail to nag every single day...yesterday was maundy thursday..attended mass...it was only OK..for supper of the lord, the descants were horrible..i was trying to give them the timing but that freaking sissy jeremy didnt follow and went sharp at almost all the high notes..i gave up singing with them and kept my mouth shut...i wonder how that jeremy even get into choir...was talking to leo about this..he said if he were in charge, he would have sacked him long ago...hahas..good move..i cant stand him either..bleax...he really lacked male's hormones...after the mass i went visiting with my parents of course..we went to St joseph, St Mary of the Angels and St Theresa...whoa the choir from St Mary of the Angels was terrific...fabulous i must say..they sounded angelic..unlike our choir..even our combine choir cant compare to their choir...hahas..great man..reached home at about 12 plus..too tired to bathe and the K.O....woke up this morning(late as it was good fri)...went to marine parade..finally at last i found the 3rd book for death note..!!!you cant imagine how happy i was..i spent 1 week going round looking for this book and at last i found it..thank goodness..we stroll and ate breakfast..today was suppose to fast and not eat meat but i guess i didnt obey...i ate chicken's feet this morning..!!*opps*sorry..hahas...came home at about 2.30pm..bathed and got ready to go for mass...today's dress code was red top and jeans..the only red top was the very not red one..aiya..it doesnt look nice thats it lah..but what other choice do i have??reached church at 4pm...service was still going on so we had to go up to the green house..we had practice and soon it was time for the service...it satrted with the station of the cross followed by the veneration of the cross...the mass was conducted by Fr Tay...thats why it ended at 8 plus...=.=...there was this part where he was suppose to sing" This is the wood of the cross.............................." then i think too high for him to hit and he went OFF....! everyone was laughing..ok lah almost everyone..even my mum and bro laughed..i tried to comtrol myself but thank god we had to kneel therefore i could burst laughing without letting anyone notice...hahas..the homily lasted for half an hour...half the congregation was sleeping...after the mass ended leo, paul, jason and i headed for the coffee shop...the 3 kids went to 7-eleven while leo sat down and chatted with melvin..bought slurpy for him as instructed...ate some poh-piah and headed home with leo..we talked about all the people in the choir..he was complaining about micheal the whole journey..saying he is so lan and stuff...bla bla bla..im not a good conversationalist so all i ans was"......mm.....ya...ok lah.....oh i see.........." like that...hahas...i cant express my thought well....

Tomorrow is the big day..doing psalms...with no music...!! thats even worse...no music to blend my horrible into..what am i going to do?? oh my gosh...tomorrow we're suppose to meet at 6pm..for practice..dress code is cream to gold...i bought this polo tee...$19..not cheap ok...from hang ten...sucky man..but what to do?no choice..i think the choir is making us spend uneccessary money...of all colours we have to wear this colour that everyone doesnt have...in the end we have to sepnd money again...my dad is seriously not pleased with this...sigh..

Ok...now with the you-know-who thing..its not that i hate him..i never did...i just dont want and cannot forgive him...he gave his know-it-all stead another chance and so im not going to change my decision..like what i said in my previous post, its either her or me...or he has made his decision CLEARLY and im not going to u-turn back..he wont even reply the bloody smses i sent...well now come to think of it..why do i even bother sending him smses...waste my money...i wanted to forgive him...i really do but the way he handle doesnt allow me to...he has his limits and i have mine..his know-it-all stead kept sending me smses in the night...weird ones..irritating ones...those words that i can never appreciate....i asked him for her no. to confrim that it is her...he ignored me..thinking im dead or something...tell me...am i wrong not to forgive him? i doubt he can return back to his old self..cause he's no longer the one i used to know...he's changed and i dont wish to have anything more to do with him...our friendship has come to and end..i enjoyed the beautiful memories we had in the begining but not the end..its all because of her we landed in this state today...dont blame me for being unreasonable...i have my ego too....

19/o3/o5

2005-03-19T23:22:00.000+08:00

Hey hey hey..yesterday i went to leo's house for bbq...to celebrate the choir's anniversary and his birthday..i managed to go at the very last moment..met up with jason and paul at hougang mall...carried the drinks there(damn heavy man..!!)...when we arrived there only isa, 2 jas and sharron were there....they sat at the staircase there..refusing to come down...then we saw leo's dad...jas and i thought he was his uncle or something...cause he looked so young and healthy(thumbs up)...then we were asking for his age leo said 43 and then his dad siad 50...so its 43 or 50????then anne came followed by geri....everyone looked tired..we helped wrapping the sotong and inserting the satay sticks into the sotong balls...soon everyone arrived and the bbq began...everone enjoyed i suppose...the food was nice except for the sting ray.....haha...bee hoon was great...i sat down on the floor open my legs wide as though i own the house..haha...after watching tv and eating finish, bin bin and i went up to use leo's com.....we switched on the com and looked at each other...decided to switch it off cause it hanged and was too lack...haha...then cat came..i sat comfortably on the chair and started to read my comics...couldnt really concentrate cause all the aunties were laughing horrendously...soon it was 9 o clock..the show(dont know what title lah..)started...everyone foucused on the show as it was the last episode...we stared at the television screen till 10 plus...at last it was time to cut the cake..they bought 2 cakes by accident so we had one cake for leo and 1 for the choir...i didnt eat any cause it was after 10 then will put on weight one...(later no blouse to wear for easter..)..then we sat there and chat about how the choir is proceeding and stuff...some pple suggested that we speak to fr about this issue....bla bla bla...we could see that leo's face was red..but didnt say anything of course...then my dad called...scolded me and asked me to go home straight away cause i exceed the time limit by an hour...cat kindly offered to drive isa, jas and me home as it was 11 plus already...when i reached home..parents start their nagging and stuff...went to bed at about 12...

Woke up this morning at 9.30 cause got tuition at my grand parents place...had tuition until 2.30??then i play cards with my cousin..play until 5 plus then i went home...came online for a while and then bathe and off to church i went...i was one of the few early ones(again)...melvin cut his hair..haha....cat came and practice started...later all the cantors for easter virgil came...when our choir practiced enough, i went over for the cantor practice..the big melvin said that i have to be more confident for my refrain and first verse...the rest is ok...after that we carried on with stac practice...bla bla bla until 10 plus and we decided to go home as simon as already there waiting to close up the church...tomorrow jeremy will be doing psalms and the following week leo..tomorrow we have to attend mass at 7am and 11 am...sian lah...

I feel so confused..i dont know whether i should forgive him..although i havent got over him i dont really wish to forgive yet...i just cant believe that he did that to me...how fair...too much man..now he's apologizing to me..but if he didnt mean it in the first place, he wouldnt even have accepted the testimonial loh..besides his know-it-all stead sent me a msg too...for all this its too much to forgive..i will only forgive unless he breaks with her..i now this is too much to ask..but i never had the intention to turn back when i severed ties with him...no matter what he says or how tempting it is to forgive him..i wont..i'll resist...i dont care....

School is reopening on monday...and i havent done my homework...theres so much to do and so little time(actually is i lazy to do)...sian..dont feel like going to school....wanna stay at home or maybe stay in church the rest of my life..its the best...i can sing till i die arhz....haha...need my beauty sleep...

15/o3/o5

2005-03-15T17:44:00.000+08:00

Hey..holidays are finally here...!!!but....i still haveta go to school..sianx lah...sat we had practice for good fri and on sun we had our last prac for easter virgil...i feel kinda pressured cause im doing psalms in combine choir...and easter virgil is one of the most important masses...sigh...all the hymns are alright except the last line for agnus dei...the sops cant get the first note(which is a A) and everything went off....i think thats the only thing that is worrying...did psalms on sun...screwed up everything...went flat almost on the whole verse..then no one could make out what i sang...i guess i was mumbling ba...well..i'll learn from this experience....cantors have to wear beidge long sleeve top...wa lau..tell me where to find this kind of colour??long sleeve some more...cat offered to lend me hers but i doubt i can fit in..haha..look at her size and mine..almost double arhz...anyone knows the dress code for palm sun??

Today was a terrible day...we went to crystal jade kitchen restaurant to eat tim sum...the bill was about $61++..ok lah not as much as last time when i ate with my uncle..after that we went for a walk then headed for queensway shopping centre to buy my bro soccer shoes...my dad said that since good fri is a public holiday we will be going on a holiday...i was shocked man...good fri??? i have mass to attend..besides its a day of obligation..what the hell is he thinking??i dont wanna sin u know...both of my parents are catholics and they are not following the rules...im utterly disappointed with them..sigh...looks like i'll be missing good fri mass and the choir anniversary...both important events and i cant attend..sigh...quarreled with my parents over this...they day what set my priorities right..family comes first bla bla bla...just because they are my parents i cant argue back loh..the church is like my second home...is it wrong to not go holiday and come attend mass??i judt dont understand what they're thinking...my parents and bro bought each a pair of sports shoe and i have none..they didnt buy for me...all i did was admire the shoes there..i found the wallet i wanted to buy for a long time and yet i cant buy...sigh...

Yesterday i went back to school for some cultural camp...well overall the thing was quite fun lah..wasnt as boring as i expect it to be...tomorrow i have to go back to school again for bball training...i cant stand it anymore..i dont wanna go.....!!!then i plan to go watch a movie after training to relax my mind together with marie..the past few days i've exhausted myself mentally...and i seriously need a break...see how first loh..no money...havent done mt holiday homework..dont even know got what homework arhz...

Found out the reason why you-know-who said all those things to me...he wanted me to forget him...but...i cant forgive him...the sense of hatred is too strong...i know he meant well..but this time he really over do it liao loh..cant he say it to me himself?straight in my face instead of ask the know-it-all stead...sigh....I HATE ALL OF THEM....!!!i just cant forgive...cannot....

11/o3/o5

2005-03-11T22:45:00.000+08:00

Hey hey...got back my report card today...results all average..sianz...the past few days not many things happened...got into a quarrel with you-know-who and i ended out friendship because of the know-it-all stead...cant stand her...dare to bitch about me...still send me e mails and harass me...better be careful later i sue you arhz...!!!! then that stupid guy...all he did was nothing..cant even be bothered to lift a finger to help his friend....he just kept quiet like a bloody mice without a mouth...i was there being bullied..harrassed and humiliated(whatever you name it..)..and he did nothing....jerk..!!i was so furious...blood presure went up i tell ya...thats why i ended the friendship..aiya still got alot of reasons lah...hate all of them...think they're so great? BULLSHIT..!!!shit them...

Anyway..im doing psalms this sun and i havent practice...lazy...didnt have the chance to use the com either..so sianx...nothing much happened loh...sam is coming back in july..hope he comes back sooner cause the choir really needs him...for easter virgil clothes i havent buy yet...cantor wear what arhz???sigh...school has been very sian..today suppose to hand up all the work...i had countless newspaper cuttings..a compo and a report writing...haha..but luckily...i've done that all within an hour...cool huh...then today the bloody DM came to our class and said that some of our class girls laughed when the principal was testing the mic on the night of the school's anniversary..please loh...we are not the ones loh...the culprits are the girls from 2F ok...anyhow say us...go to hell lah...end of the day then we know have to bring back all our heavy..stinking books...look at the amount of books under my table...almost all my textbooks were inder my desk loh...then they say if we dont bring back all, the principal will throw all away...fuck him lah...so i ended up carrying 3-4 gigantic files..thousand and one books home...shit them...

The past few weeks i've been very into comics...so in until i spent about $55 on them...i bought at least one per day and sometimes even 2...i think the whole school is crazy over comics...every area you walk can see that each student reading a comic or holding one(including me)....hahas...im staring to slack in school....manda wake up..!!!this is no time to slack..!!!streaming arhz..!!!!

Tomorrow im going to sentosa with my class mates...dont feel like going though but..oh well...i'll do anything to get out of the house....i'll me meeting theresa and sylvia at 9.45am at the hougang mrt station...then we'll proceed to harbour front...we should be coming back at around 5 plus 6 and then i'll have to go for combine choir practice...if im not wrong tomorrow night's prac should be for good fri...sigh...nowadays my posts are getting shorter and shorter....sianx...

o6/o3/o5

2005-03-06T17:49:00.000+08:00

Sigh..life's been the same..common test has ended while all my other friends from other schools are still having tests...lessons carried on as usual...nothing much in school...all the teachers are as sucky as ever..choir...had a chat with sam(overseas) last night...told him about STAC...chat chat chat...cat appointed me for psalms on easter virgil...next sun i doing psalms also...sigh...why make me do psalms for easter..especially in combine choir...so stressful...standard so high..afraid that im not up to it...all the other cantors all so good one..then i one lousy person...sigh....had staion of the cross last nigh(cat class)...its started real late and ended real late too..by the time we went for practice its already about 9 something...tonight also got practice..sigh..

This morning mass..jeremy did psalms..after mass we had practice...until about 9 plus..had breakfast come lunch...geri and anne joinned us..but they sat at a different table with cat...so didnt talk to them..kept singing agnus dei the whole time...addicted liao..after breakfast dragged jeremy and jasmine to hougang mall with me to buy comics....in the end we landed up in the arcade...jeremy was dancing para para..lol...then we play the stepping one....haha..lost...finally got out of the arcade and went to buy my comic...headed home at last...read my comic and then it was off to tuition...

I didnt know what type of comic i was reading until........i saw maked women...haha....not really naked lah..they kinda sensored the thing so not called naked..lol...it was fun reading anyway...the book has about 30 series...each book coast about $5 so if i buy all i will be spending about $150 on comics...oh man....damn much money....sianx...going for choir prac soon liao...arranged with jason to practice my psalm for next week as i've not practiced.........

o2/o3/o5

2005-03-02T08:58:00.000+08:00

hey hey hey..guess what..im actually blogging during my IT lessons...!so long never blog liao..got back most of my results..got A2 for my science, geog and literature..c6 for chinese and c5 for maths...still unknown for english...sigh...the bloody teacher is teaching the class about blogger while everyone is doing other things..lol..stupid him..please loh...no one is listening...PE just over only..all sweaty and wet..today after school got training at 2pm...siao one..this sat have to go for mass at 730...so will be late for choir practice..yesterday got scolded by and mum and quarrelled with my bloody sickening brother...he today got chinese exam and yet he dont want to go for tuition on that day...some more dare to argue with me...all the vulgarities come out..slap him arhz..thank goodness my dad came back in time...gave him a lecture..he cried as usual..wnt for TKD in the night..dont know why past few days so enthu about TKD..maybe because i learned some unarmed combat and stuff...so happy..right now i want to concentrate on my flexibility..trying to do splits..dont laugh..i can do it one..

Choir as usual..i find that STAC now is rather cold...not much laughter now in the choir..the adults are like ok finish lets go home..leo also like heck care heck care like that..without geri and anne the choir has really tone down..at least thats what i think...sigh..

I've thought it over..im not going to torture myself anymore..thats it..im going to get over him...if i can..sigh..this is a very lame blog..i intend to delete this post hopefully by fri...

27/o2/o5

2005-02-27T21:35:00.000+08:00

Today...as usual, boring day...went to church early in the morning even before the sun rose...after i had a haircut, i think i look even more like durian...for mass today, cat did psalms..next week is jeremy then is me...after mass had short practice then proceeded to the coffee shop for breakfast..then quickly go to the hall for cat class together with the choir...stood with the choir today cause if not they'll announce loudly for us to come up....talking about the bloody cat class...we have to attend dont know what mass on the 5th of march...then palm sunday have to go cat class at 10am and then mass at 11.30am...WE HAVE TO GO 2 MASS!!!! one in the morning and one at 11.30..sian...somemore maundy thurs, good fri and easter virgil we also have to attend mass...attendence will be taken..wa lao..what shit loh...think we so free arhz..go for so many masses...why dont they go attend mass everyday...then for the 5 march one im doing one of the reading for the station of the cross...sigh...so that means all the kids in choir will be late for choir practice...so sian somemore this sat practice is for goos fri leh..cant afford to miss....so fed up with the people...sickos...

Cat class ended early so hung around with my cousin cause jas they need to study for common test....stroll around the church then dragged my cousin to my house so that i could change out if my jeans...came online for a while then went to mama's house for lunch and then tuition...came back home..feeling rather exhausted..slept straight away withour bathing(very dirty i know...)...until 7 then took a long shower, took my dinner watched tv and here i am...parents are out for wedding dinner...heard from my mum that my dad hasn't been able to get a job...sigh...its been 2 months and no job with all his money running low...maybe i'll just depend on myself for pocket money first....sigh..

Last noght's choir practice was EEEEEEEE...the sops were sucking all the way...agnus deyi was horrible..we did a different version and Amanda didnt know how it goes either...so the sops were all lost...sucky...after practice, which ended about 10 plus....STAC had our own practice for a while...reached home at about 11pm..late i know..slept at about 1.30am and woke up at 6 this morning....sigh...the dress code for easter virgil is beige colour to gold colour..where to kind ths kind of colour?? so obiang...dar wasnt there for choir practice..rather disappointed but didnt show it out lah....

Still sadded by the incident..smses not replied..everything is just crashing down...i cant show it out cause its not appropriate...people will think im crazy...i really need to break down but time seems to past so that i barely have time to sleep not thinking about breaking down..i just have to keep everything inside of me...this is a public blog so i cant post anything EXTREMLY personal.....sigh...sadded..

24/0o2/o5

2005-02-26T16:15:00.000+08:00

Hey u guys out there..i finally get to blog once again...know hwat happened on tuesday???TANYA CHUA CAME TO MY SCHOOL...!!!omg...i shook her hand and she smiled at me leh....so happy...was high all the way...she sang a couple of songs from her latest album..everyone was just dying to shake her hand(especially the guys)...it was a awesome experience...cool man....after the assembly, when home with Fion...heard that there was a basketball match going on the Singapore Poly...i think its Singapore Poly vs Nanyang Poly....i didnt go cause the match was at 6 in the evening...so late..still need to study one...this week is common test week..i must say its one of the most stressful weeks in the school calender...i've been studying real hard...crossing my fingers and hope that i'll pass everything...now..common test is finally over..!!and SJC students are having their tests next week...lol..haha..im so gonna enjoy watching them suffer...anyway..i got back chinese results and i passed! thank goodness...coach said that..if we fail one subject, we have to run 60 rounds...! if i fail 3 that'll be 180 rounds!!! omg...please please dont let me fail any subjects..even if i fail, let me fail only one.....now the school is going from crazy to even crazier...every morning they never fail to check out socks and uniform etc..c'mon loh..which teenenger doesn't wear ankle socks?? cant they stop making us pull our socks so high??3 fingers above the ankle u know...siao...bloody school....sucky...

Tonight got choir practice..doing psalms for 5th sun of lent...i've always been looking forward to psalming..dont know why...*shrugs*tomorrow the choir is going to teach hymns once again...the previous time, no one was listening loh...heard from my brother that he got punished and was asked to sing alone with another guy during pri cat class..he gave anne and geri nicknames..lol...anne is called ang ku kueh..while geri is called chai dao kueh..dont know how to spell..lol...haha...wonder why he gave then these names...nothing much happening in choir...everyone is busy preparing for holy week..sigh..

These few days, im still feeling sad as before...still cant get over what happened i suppose..i tried but i just cant do it...now i really regret what i did not do and did...sigh...looks like its the end for the both of us...sigh...T_T..had a haircut...really short now...kinda cool..its better lah..since the damn weather so freaking hot....have to take at least 2 baths a day...the water concentration is so low outside..its making me lose water to the surroundings....lame i know....miss one training of TKD...so sad...i learned a bit of unarmed combat...cool sia....so people put there dont anyhow touch me ok...if not i'll break your arm..lol...hoildays are just 1 week plus away..cant wait...the school is asking who is interested in going to china for dont know what programme...i think is a exchange programme..we sent some students over there and they send some students over here..i very much want to go..but thinking that i'll miss choir and the clean toilets in my house...i'd rather not go...when i go on holidays, i must see whether the toilets are clean anot..not clean i wont go one...lol...

Last night i just had the strangest dream..i actually dreamed of him...!! i woke up with a smile on my face..but when i came to realise that it was all a dream, i cant help but to cry...i very much want to be with him..but it seems that God deosnt want us to be together...must i only know how to cherish when it is lost??well...regret is all i can do now.....

18/o2/o5

2005-02-18T21:36:00.000+08:00

Hey people..finally get to update again..not many things happened though...but there's so many things to do...cant help but to slack in school once again(under the influence of the whole class)..didnt listen during Eng, Geog and many other lessons...well..whats there to learn about Eng?? its either you know it or you dont(at least thats what my teacher says..)..dont think i'll have any chance of passing my geog..i dont intend to take it up anyway..scince is fantastic...scored very well...A1..managed to pass my history...next week is common test already..its so not fair..other schools like SJC have their common test one week after mine...they got one extra week to study..wth...this weekend is going to be one of the very rare days cause im going to burn midnight oil to study and memorising...i doubt i'll pass my maths cause i got this maths teacher(who teaches PE and N.A)..who totally dont know how to express what he thinks..!!! the more he explains the more we get confused..i tried asking him but....sigh..doesnt help at all..thats why im asking help from selene..tomorrow meeting her at about 6 for 'tuition'....just learned the 'F' language today in school..(dont anyhow think..its not what u think it is...)its kinda fun..getting your tongue tied and stuff...getting adicted liao..

Combine choir practice for holy week is starting tomorrow..we were told to download the midis and print the scores ourselves...(im asking Jason to help me cause i dont know how to do all the computerised stuff)the hymns are all quite familiar except for some...the choir is coming to teach the sec cat class this sun and the sec 2s(us) are suppose to help out by coming up on stage like last year to sing..its so embarrassing..im cantoring some more this sun...talking about cantoring..jason printed out the scores for me already..and cat is going to print out more for the choir...cat said that she is going to train all the sec 2s to cantor..lol...cant imagine the look on belle's face...cat called me this morning while im still in school..thank goodness i turned it to silent mode...kaung sent me this vulgar song..lol....dont know what..."..........fuck you in the face.....kan ni na lah....ji bai..!!......"lol..

After school today, called up my dad to fetch cause i got too many books to bring home..went compass point with him for lunch..i intend to buy this nike wallet from world of sports..it cost about $30 i think..maybe next week when i get my allowence again...PMJC has not been having practice for quite a long time already..we are all having common test now..maybe 2 weeks from now..portasound also no batt....sigh...and no one bothered to replace the batt....wth.....this common test will determine my stay in STAC..if i dont do well...then thats goodbye to all of them...sigh...how??

13/o2/o5

2005-02-13T17:50:00.000+08:00

Sigh..time flies and soon the weekends are over...yesterday afternoon, i went to toa payoh for luch with my uncle at crystal jade restaurant(dim sum)....we ate about $120 over dollars..after that we went to courts to look at MP3 cause i intend to buy one...walk here walk there and at last we went home at about 4pm...reached home...took a bath..took a nap and its off to choir practice...not many people showed up for the practice(as usual)..jeremy led the warm ups and jason was late...we only practiced 2 hymns and the order of mass then it was psalms...jas sim had to do psalms once again...could tell that she was extremly nervous..everyone was staring at her and she gong gong dont know what to do....after her psalms it was my turn to practice psalms..i chose a slightly difficult one..more melodious...got high d leh..scared early in the morning 7am cannot hit...cat said it was well done so ok loh..sharron said the closing prayer and home sweet home...before we left the church, joshua insisted the fans to be off...lol..he became in charge of the fans ever since...dont know why he so fascinated with fans....

Today mass was ok for the choir and not for the Fr. Tay....we sang well for the latin parts but Fr. Tay just had to come and bitch us off..he say what we have to sound lighter like the wind blowing through the bamboos...please loh..as if he sounded very light like that....some more say we should sing faster and should not drag..its already fast already...any faster would turn the whole thing into a rap...and about the dragging part..ok lah..i admit the choir was quite draggy....psalms done by jas sim today was quite ok...at least she was louder then last week...only for some verses she went off...other then that..it was fine...that bloody portasound ran out of batteries!!!! now PMJC cannot have any practice due to this prob...and no one is willing to contribute batteries too....anyway..we went for breakfast with the choir..Dom was there too and he said drinks were all on him!! *thumbs up*there wasn't enough seats and some more Daryl, Melvin and Marie were joinning us so we went to sit at a bigger table in another area..then cat say we so dao...wth.....it not we dao..is no space unless they want to squeeze themselves like sardine then i have nothing to say....actually i wanted to pon cat class today one..but no one pon with me so i decided to go..sigh...its the same thing every week..nothing new...i think..if im not wrong, next sun our choir is going to teach the sec cat class students on holy week...o_0...omg..lets hope they wont call us up again like last year....we intend not to go but we'll see how lah....just now went to my aunt's house for more steamboat...sianx...just came back...

Talking about PMJC..im so angry with all of STAC...they dump all the arrangment for the choir anni to us...and like no juniors are planning except me and jas sim..belle they all are like up to you lah..then geri was like im only in charge of giving the place ask Mr Cheah...then the seniors are all heck care heck care like that...ask then to give us dates so we can plan everything in order...we give the dates all cannot make it..then when they want???june meh???? people normally celebrate it within the month and we here are celebrating it half a year later...siao...i tell you..if no one is going to give a damn about this neither will i and jas...and the hard work that PMJC has put in i'll just take it as one of our completed pieces....so angry...next time dont out me in charge of anything if none is willing to help....

Tomorrow go back to school liao..sianx...next week common test starting...gotta start studying liao..valentine's day is tomorrow..looks like i'll be spending it alone..sigh...once again in alone this year....oh man........

11/o2/o5

2005-02-11T21:54:00.000+08:00

CHINESE NEW YEAR

Happy lunar new year to one and all...!!!this year's chinese new year to me is like nothing much...on tues..i had to go to school for celebration..we had chinese calligraphy in the morning then we proceeded back to class for dont know what...next we went to the hall for performances...school was suppose to end at 10.30am but instead it ended at 11 plus...sick ok...damn school...met up with marie for lunch...then i went home cause parents were all at home....at night i went over to my grandparents place for reunion dinner followed by my uncle's house..had steamboat at both places...when it was about 10pm...the kids began to gamble...i didn't win nor did i lose..but as for my brother, he lost $15+++(cause we play very small only..a few cents)...slept at about 3am..woke up early the next day for morning mass....didn't join the choir cause i was rather late(i woke up at 6.50 for 7am mass)...felt quite down(and is still down now) due to some particular reasons...in the afternoon, went to my god-parents' place to gamble again...their house cost 2.5 MILLION...!!!they own 2 cars and dont know how many coi fish(each about $33 000)...bloody rich....on thurs went to my baby-sitter's house..had steamboat once again...sick of steamboat liao...then chit chat for a while and off to my another uncle's house...came home at about 1 plus and went to school the next day...today i was practically sleeping during lesson time...school ended at 12.40 and training soon started at 1pm...i tell you..the greatest mistake i've ever made is not pontening school today...almost half the class wasnt here loh...sigh...

Just came back from mass...a few people were late(the usual people from various choirs)..mass was extremly slow...the priest was Fr. Tay...with him around i can forget about going home on time...sang descant for supper of the lord..cool..i couldn't really hear myself...but i guess its ok lah...at last jason bought the belt for me...he stayed for 2 masses today..lol..cause i told him to...haha...doing psalms for 2nd sun of lent..maybe im changing the scores..see how first...

I think my com siao liao..suddenly everything turns into chinese instead of english..dont know what happened..even blogger also turned chinese...siao liao...

o6/o2/o5

2005-02-06T21:50:00.000+08:00

Sigh...what a day...i missed the practice for ash wed cause i had early reunion dinner as 2 of my cousins are going overseas to study the next day(they are bloody rich!)...i think that dinner was the most horrible restaurant dinner i ever had...so sucky ok(excluding the sharkfin soup)..after dinner at about 10pm plus..we went to my one of my cousin's house..adults went there to drink while I go there to sleep..exhausted ok..after training then straight go dinner...reached home at about 2am plus..slept at 3am...only managed to grab 4h of sleep cause the next morning i had breakfast with daryl, melvin and marie...we arranged to meet at the bus stop opposite punggol pri sch..went to escape theme park as i still had 4 extra tickets..daryl insisted on having breakfast so we just sat there and watched him eat while the rest of us slept...reached escape at 940am..waited for the park to open and we are one of the first few people to get in..lol..we sat the small roller-coaster for warm-up and went to the go-kart next...and then tragedy struck..i was driving up the slope when daryl over took me..and when i was going down the slope melvin over took me...both of them were going at full speed..but after the first round, daryl suddenly turned right and melvin didnt break and the both of them crashed into each other..after being banged my melvin, daryl's kart slided and banged the front and back of his kart..i was just behind and saw the whole thing..daryl couldnt breathe for that moment..his tooth got chipped off..his chest was in pain..and so was his back..the satff drove him to the first-aid room and we followed behind..sat there for about half an hour or so..we played about 4-5 games and we took daryl to the doctor..the doc said that if he doesnt put the heat pack(or is it hot pack??) his back will swell..sigh..i blame myself for this incident..its like..if i didnt ask him to go this wouldnt have happened..its all my fault...sigh..what a jinx i am...

After escape we went kovan..then came back shortly..suppose to have PMJC practice at 6pm..but all didnt turn up except selene..im was furious i tell you...blood pressure went up..rage building...feel like giving all of them a slap across their faces...paul was one hour late...belle cant be bothered to come..jason was half an hour late..jas low didnt come..jas sim only came for STAC practice...fed up ok...freaks....we didnt short warm-ups and then started the hymns for sunday...jas didnt her psalms...then we practice supper of the lord for ash wed..jeremy, selene and i are singing descant...descant parts are so cool...

Today's mass was kinda messy...we had a guest priest..all the verses he sang were totally different tune..the choir was like OMG...then he didnt sing the Gloria..the choir was waiting for the priest and he was just standing there like retarded freak...so leonard stood below the mic in front and sang the Gloria instead..chaos i tell ya...jas did pslams today...extremly soft..she was like whispering into the mic or something..even my relatives said her mouth wasnt open..cat asked selene to accompany her up to the alter to guide..lol..body guard..jason played different timing from her cause he couldnt hear anything...after mass..PMJC didnt have practice cause our portasound no battery liao..so we went for breakfast instead...i know daryl attended mass but didnt manage to talk to him..heard from Melvin that he still wasnt feeling well..well the least he could do was reply my smses right...sigh..so many things happen and i dont know what to do..sucky me....

o3/o2/o5

2005-02-03T15:38:00.000+08:00

Sigh..life's been really hard for me..im feeling so confused and depressed...i got ditched..failed countless tests..got bitched by Melvin(the big one) for my pslams..there are so many things on my mind..PMJC is still in a mess..i've yet to plan out the anni for STAC...everything seems to be on my shoulder..sigh...the past few days i've been slacking...not working hard..why am i so lazy??????? yesterday was Daryl's birthday..and i didnt get him anything...something terribly wrong happened between the both of us and i guess thats it...did psalms last night for presentation of the lord...i think i did quite well...in fact i think its the best i've ever psalmed..but Melvin siad that i sounded too far...i could not be heard...i was like -_-"...luckily..Bernard stood on my side as he thought i did well....then no one from our choir came except leonard and me...the rest are from the other choirs..

Heard from jasmine low that all the sec ones dont want to join STAC liao..cause too early..some transfer to other churches...blah blah blah..all excuses...dislike people like that..its just half an hour earlier only loh...besides its only one day per week...cant they just put in a little effort to come for mass...they wont die due to lack of sleep what....jerks...PMJC will be having practice as usual..this sat at 6pm and sun at green house...doing psalms on the second sun of lent...sigh..

Today..was a really bad day...we were having maths lessons in the com lab...we were too noisy and got scolded by Mr Raffi..he told all his past...then suddenly he shouted"GET OUT! I DONT WANT TO SEE ALL OF YOU ANYMORE..YOU ALL DONT HAVE TO GREET ME I ALSO DONT WANT TO GREET YOU!GET OUT!" like that..siao one loh..we dont even know what happened..everyone was silent when he was talking..no one made a single noise..but he still shouted all the same...insane...sigh..tomorrow got 3 tests...literature..science and chinese...sianx...sure fail one...

This sat im going to escape with marie and melvin...left one more ticket..it was meant for dar one..but now i guess i'll just throw it away...sigh...what a bad start for a new year...my world is falling..falling...falling...

29/o1/o5

2005-01-29T16:51:00.000+08:00

At last....im back..wanted to update last night...but the fucking internet couldn't work..alright...its been a week since i've updated..sigh...took my maths test...havent gotten back the results...dont think i did well...didnt have time to finish the whole paper...this mon got goeg and hist test..-_-"...the 2 most hated subjects by me...sianz lah...ok..began to hang out more with my bball juniors...all bully me...call me all sorts of names..an an..wei ar..xiao an....when my name is WEI ANN!!!! slap them...lol..training now is so slack..but when june holiday comes, it'll be hell man!!! still working hard..aiming for pure/tripple science stream...went for TKD training on tues...did some sparring..defeated 2 big guys...lol...got chance to get into the sparring team liao..lol...daryl wants to join TKD also..i dont know what to do...his birthday coming...dont know what to get him..he says he wants the phantom's mask...he is like so obsessed with the phantom of the opera loh..he still want me to sing with him duet cause he got the scores for the phantom of thre opera...siao argh he...insane..think i so free arhz..so many things to handle..psalms..PMJC..school work and stuff...TKD..so many things..i hardly have time for myself..on friday..went to take neoprints with 2 of my juniors and xia yu as it was her birthday...so funny..we were like bumping into each other inside the limited space...the pictures look horrible..lol..cost us about $18 in all i think...still owe then money...

Woke up this morning at 730..wahed up and proceeded to church for PMJC's practice..ieverything is fine except for the piano part...practice started at 8am for PMJC and then STA members came in and so we've got no choice but to stop...the wedding mass was great...selene, jeremy and i sang parts for the verses of the psalm..i sang alto with cat for ' we remember '...everything was great..even fr fred said so..but the stupid leonard just had to disagree...he said to fr fred that he is not here to make friends with us..he is here to coach us and scold us..-_-"...went up to the green house for makan...leonard ate tons of scallops and i ate tons of sotong...lol..we were discussing where and when are we celebrating the choir's anniversary..leo said he doesnt know..dont ask him..ask geri...so i called geri..lol..she was sleeping i guess...at 12.15pm????? lol...leo suggested on chinese new year...but was soon rejected..then i passed the phone over to leo...he mumbled here and there and he hung up..he siad geri dont know how to change her voice to like " HELLO "like what leo would do(that what he claims) instead of "h...e....ll.....o......" lol......ansd said that she sleeps like a pig or rather she is a pig...lol...want to scold, scold leo...lol...then throughout the whole time, leo was like asking where is the red red thing(red packet)..then when we're about to leave..the bridegroom came over and gave it to jo....we peeped inside and guess how much...$188!!!not bad lah...but cant they round up???lol...

Tonight we're going to have a combine choir dinner dont know at where..no one told us the time..then PMJC going to have another practice at 630pm..but sadly selene cant come cause her mum is making noise...having a short practice for STA(includes tomorrow's hymns and wed's hymns..)..i think im done with my psalms...went to OP's warehouse sale today...it was last day..everyone was practically grabbing whatever stuff that they could see...bumped into kaung(his actual name..although i know the spelling is abit weird)..he still owe me a birthday present..hmm..i want a fila or nike wallet...the one with the zip one..so cool sia...anyways...managed to grab 4 t-shirts...and i got a pair of OP necklace for free...great huh..jeremy and belle cut their hair and cat went to dye her hair..jeremy look so botak..and belle look like mushroom head...lol..cat's hair looks like a lion's mane..lol..tomorrow sun already..then mon have to go to sch liao...have to wake up early once again...sigh...zzzzzzzzzzzz

23/o1/o5

2005-01-23T22:15:00.000+08:00

today...woke up at 5.40am..got ready and off to church at 6.30am to warm up voice..but didn't warm up that much anyway...mass started and the entrance hymn got parts liao..so jeremy, selene and i were all struggling with our parts...then mass proceeded quite slowly today..during the homily, fr bosco went round asking people what is baptisim...but we weren't listening..busy talking away..pretty restless today..then we sang christ be our light..sang descant parts with selene and jeremy...it didnt go that well..T_T.....ended on the wrong note and stuff..overall, cat said that we were very flat today..horrible..and i totally agree...all were flat..SERIOUSLY FLAT....after mass, jas sim and sharron got scolded by cat for talking non-stop during mass..then belle got nagged by her for turning around to talk to jeremy...selene and i were busy learning the other part for the psalm for the wedding mass(the verse)...leonard challenged us so we took the challenge..lol....after that..PMJC quickly took the portasound and went up to the green house...i think its almost done liao...just need some polishing..then we're all set..but the problem now is........where and when will we be celebrating our choir's anni??? if its on fri night at geri's house then i think jas sim and some others cannot make it...sigh..one problem settled another one come....sigh...anyway...we wanted to put back the portasound but the children's mass was going on..so i smsed geri to put it back for me...dont know got put back anot..later kena stolen...

Then we all headed for the hall for praise and worship...after much delay, we were splited into our different groups and stuff...cat class ended at about 11.15 so that those who wants to go attend the 11.30 mass could be on time...jas sim and i met up with marie and melvin..chit chat a little...laughed here and there..after mel and marie went home, jas and i went round looking for cat to get things settled cause jas and sharron were punished for talking..they're suppose to find out what the gospel was about since they didnt listen..so when we were at the green house, we invited fr bosco up for and interview..lol..and sharron took down the notes...back again...saw geri so went to say hi and shun bian ask for more info about the anni..unfortunately she knows nothing..at last she passed jas the disc..then she was like in a hurry or something and hurried off...then we bumped into anne..she too hurried off...asked her if the children's choir was better then STAC and she said YES...! they got mic what..they play cheat one...then before we know it..she was gone...its like anyone who sees us faster run away or something....weird....*shrugs*

Reached home..received a phone call from my dad and rushed over to my grandparents place for tuition..ended at about 4 plus like that...came home.feeling exhausted...watched a bit of tv..and here i am...i think my internet something wrong..i cant seem to see my tag board...it state that the page cannot be displayed...whaddehell...so sickening ok...just learned my psalm for feb 2..sounds abit strange...tomorrow teacher going to test us on the elements and the dont know what equations lah...havent learn..no time..lol...so sian..dont feel like going back to school....daryl claims that he owes me a rose..i dont know why...lol...he wants to imitate the phantom fo the opera...haha...he wants me to sing together with him the phantom of the opera cause he got the scores..i've got nothing to lose so why not...lol...looking forward to the cantor training(though its not for free)...still trying to sabo belle..haha...getting late..need my beauty sleep....ciau...

22/o1/o5

2005-01-22T23:13:00.000+08:00

BIRTHDAY GIRL

yoz yoz...im seriously happy today..over the moon i should say..lol..well..its been a day and soon my bday willl be over...this morning went to Escape Theme Park with selene, marie and melvin..we played all the rides except the water one...sat on the viking ship for OVER 10 TIMES!!! insane right..then we also went for the go-cart countless times..the alpha 8 was kinda bumpy..made me got bruise all over my hips..then we sat the pepsi..should have seen selene mel and me man...marie didnt dare to sit cause she was too scared..lol..we were turning and turning 360 degrees non-stop...by the time we came down, we were all walking unsteadily...lol..had a slight headache but we didnt care and proceeded for the viking ship....lol..sat the last row..it was nothing actually..not much thrill after the 10th ride..haha...i kinda got a bit of sun burn..went back at around 4.30pm..marie and mel was almost late for mass...selene came to my house and played the keyboard while i took a shower...went to church at 6pm for PMJC's practice..then went for STA practice...i received sooooooooo many gifts..a BIG THANK YOU to jeremy, selene, melvin, marie and the other sec 2s (if i miss out any..you know who u are) i received a nike basketball..a bilabong wallet(like i always wanted)...a handphone keychain..a letter(obviously from daryl)and many many many birthday wishes from all my friends...thank you guys..really touched..i can assure that this is the best birthday i ever had in my 14 years...~love you all~

Tonight's practice, we practiced the hymns for tomorrow, next sunday's mass and the wedding mass...although my throat wasn't in good condition today, i still sang as usual...going to sing descant and alto parts tomorrow..lol..dont know if i can make it..cat mentioned about the training for the cantors..she is going to send me, jeremy and selene for it...we are sabotaging belle...so cat is still considering...then tomorrow as usual, PMJC going to have practice at the green house after mass then go for bible class...hope that we can complete what we set out to do for the choir's anniversary...still no plans for the anniversary though...oh well...

Birthday's over..now this wed im having a maths test...for the next 2 weeks im having tests and stuff..really gotta study...bills are raising too...doing psalms for feb 2 mass..still no scores for the psalm...lets hope cat gets it soon..i think i type until here...once again.. THANK YOU ALL....!!!

*geri...PLEASE insist that we must have the anniversary held at your house..and make sure that we can use your piano..lol..thanks and see ya soon!

2o/o1/o5

2005-01-20T22:33:00.000+08:00

hey...today is my brother's 10th birthday..at last..he has grown 1 year older..lets hope he'll be more mature and stop bothering me...my parents found out that i dyed my hair...well..actually is i tell them one...i'll feel bad if i dont tell them...u know what i mean..so i told them and guess what?? i didnt get scolded..they just told me to dye it back after my birthday..*whew*so i went to school with my coloured hair..and didnt get caught..lol..had training on wed..led the juniors with the basics for bball...then it was our turn to sprint..sprint about 5-7 times and then we had to sprint again for 5 rounds within 1.35 min....killer man..by the time i reached home i was darn exhausted..bathed and pop on the bed to sleep...

This morning i woke up only to find six new messages in my handphone...all saying about tomorrow morning's practice for the wedding mass...i very much wanted to go cause got the songs i like one..but my parents wants to bring me to china town eat raw fish....-_-"...i want to go choir practice!!! anyway..alot of people also cannot go..people like..selene..jas sim..me..sharron...eh...then i dont know who liao..isa and jas low going...this sat im going to escape with selene melvin and marie...we going to play from morning till evening then go straight for PMJC practice..then to STA practice..what a long day im going have...lol..today school was quite ok...we were paying so much attention during science lessons until we didnt even know that 1h had passed...cool huh..i really think that Mr Tian is a fantastic science teacher...i can assure that i'll pass my science with flying colours this time round...thank god....

For the mass on feb 2, i dont have any scores and when i asked jeremy, he didnt bother to reply me or anything..so..if i can learn it in time, dont blame me..i myself have enough things on my mind and a seriously tight schedule..so he better not give me the scores last min...i already learnt my psalms for feb 20 so i only have that one to learn...now im falling sick..having flu and sore throat...hope i can still make it for psalms..trying to drink as much water as possible until im bloated.....oh well...its all god's will...i have nothing to say..these few days feeling rather down...lack of sleep and stuff...sigh..stress arhz stress...

18/o1/o5

2005-01-18T16:43:00.000+08:00

hey....guess what i did???? i dyed my hair again!!!!!! omg.its damn freaking obvious this time...ok im at my friends this time, updating my blog while the rest wash their hair...i practically spent all my money on dye..lol..ok..tomorrow is wed and there is training..then thurs also have training..hate it..actuallt i wanted to join to join schol choir one but then again...very embarrassing leh..dont know why..but its embarrassing..just come in when im sec 2..so maybe not...i'll just stick to my church choir...fri im having dinner at home..inviting my friends over...selene and isa said maybe only..then his sat im going to escape theme park...dont know who wants to go..i've got free tickets!!!then i'll go straight to church for PMJC practice..today in schol got spot check..thank goodness my hair wasnt obvious...but now......its worse then ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!school os boring today..the damn chinese teacher suck!!!how i wish i can kill her instantly...i hate her to the core!!!argh....

For choir...i havent practice my psalms yet...for both feb2 and feb 20...oh oh...so many events are going on for choir these few weeks...dont know if i can make it for all...nothing much happened other then this...what am i going to do about my hair????

16/01/05

2005-01-16T20:22:00.000+08:00

*sigh*...its been a tough day...many things happened...i rejected dar...cause i dont want to hurt him further....and at the same time i cant forget someone......so im sorry...then today PMJC practiced at the green house there right after mass...just chatted with geri....cat class was ok...except...IM IN THE SAME CLASS WITH THAT SLUT!!! should have seen man.she was damn bloody rude.......rolling her eyes at the teacher and stuff....cant we have a little respect here????not in good mood today.....talked with marie about our stuff....really down....geri told me to forget him..tell him the truth and get rejected...only then will i forget him...but..i cant bring myself to...i cant afford to take the chance...thinking of this makes me want to cry...i dont even know why i cry over a guy which im not attached to....why???manda wake up!! he is your cousin's cousin..you cant do this.....*slap slap**break down*

Everyone is talking..."selene this....selene that......then u arhz???chey........."i very low grade izzit? no standard huh...please loh...i m who i m...dont compare me with selen..i know selene is better then me in everyway..but.....................nvm...i really some one to confide in...but cant find the person for me to really open up to....i dont know man.i dont know......are all the things i 've done worthless???only selene is worth the praise????.........i dont know..........

15/o1/o5

2005-01-15T23:07:00.000+08:00

Today...didnt go for the bball thing..no one told me anything and i cant be bothered to ask..the past few days i've been thinking if i should join the school choir..but im afraid that my friends from bball will laugh at me...my dad said follow my interest...and now im hoping God will give me a sign..lol...this morning, i was feeling rather down...went to the super market till 3 then came home..came online then met up with Daryl at 540pm(i was late)....then i asked him to bring out the portasound for me...PMJC was supose to meet at 6pm...but in the end they were all late by an hour...AGAIN!!!!i was freaking furious with all of them...at that moment..i wanted to give up all the plans but...something held me back...dont know what...then we practiced till cat arrived...tonight's practice no seniors came except for cat...then selene lead the warm ups...then for 2 songs im singing descant with jeremy and selene...lolz...*thumbs up*on the 29 of jan, there will be a morning mass at 8 and wedding mass at 10...then at night there will be a combine choir dinner...we are still deciding where to celebrate our choir's anni...cat said Geri's house is avaliable...maybe we could have a slumber party.....hmm....lets all stay overnight on fri then sat morning we shall all attend mass together at 8am...lolz...ok then...for the wedding mass jeremy is suppose to sing psalms but he cant make it..so cat told him to redo the roster...tomorrow PMJC not going for breakfast with the choir..then got cat class at 930am...need to collect the disc from Geri....jeremy still owe me a billabong wallet...now selene also want...lolz....

My hair no color liao...im going to bleach again on tues i think..with my friends...then i need to study for the up coming class tests..i wonder if i really should join school choir...even Daryl said that music is my forte...i dont know...God please tell me what to do.....just updated my friendster profile...smsed Daryl...hmm..i think nothing else happened liao...im searching for vocal classes and Daryl is helping me to look for it...im afraid piano lessons are too expensive and my parents cant afford to fork out such a large sum of money every month...so i'll just have to drop that idae....*sigh* vocals vocals....

14/o1/o5

2005-01-14T23:02:00.000+08:00

It's finally friday!!!! i've waited so long....tonight PMJC suppose have practice then go for tsunami mass one...but then we have a change of plans..one of the shareholders wanted to skip mass and practice the song...so God, im so sorry..i have to skip this particular mass for an event coming up..ok then today in school, no one could tell i bleached my hair...maybe it wasnt as obvious as i thought....i know i very sua ku lah...bump into my team mates along the way..they said coach was very angry cause i pontanged training yesterday...dont care lah..after school i hurried to compass in case coach comes early...so i followed my friend to the library...borrowed 4 comics...i LOVE comics...but my dad thinks its bullshit....oh well...also not he reading...my damn friends..dont know how they help me bleached my hair..its so uneven...in front dont have then behind one patch...my parents would be idiots if they do not figure out that i did something to my hair...lolz..tonight dont know if any seniors going to the mass...tomorrow the bball team(boys+girls) is going to celebrate Mr Ho's retirement...i think there is training in the morning then we celebrate in the afternoon...aiya..dont feel like going leh..i very lazy...but dont worry i wont be so lazy for choir..lolz..go read my comic liao....

10.54pm
Came back from practice...PMJC was suppose to meet at 630 but in the end only 3 people(including me) showed up...they made me waited for 1 whole hour!!!! i just wasted 1h of my youth....ok..so we didnt go for mass...then we found the portasound!!!! woo hoo...so we went to the church's canteen and stayed there till about 930pm....went back to church to return the portasound..at that time SRC was having their own choir practice and Leonard was there...he asked why were we there so we had to think of something to cover up so we said to attend mass loh(which was what we planned at first)...so after 2h of continuous practice, the 3 of us only managed to complete a portion of what we were suppose to do...still have to wait for the whole PMJC to turn up then can have a FULL practice..tomorrow evening, PMJC meeting at 6pm then we will have STA practice...sam is leaving tomorrow..may he have a safe journey...
*im feeling rather bossy these few days..please pardon me...

13/o1/o5

2005-01-13T21:48:00.000+08:00

yoz yoz...look whos back...ok..its been a week since i've undated my blog...ok let me think what has happened...i fotgot what happened on mon so i shall proceed to tuesday..on tuesday...eh...came back from school and didnt go for TKD at night as the color belts had their grading on sunday...on wednesday...after school, we had basketball auditions for the sec 1s..guess what...THEY ARE ALL BITCHES!!!!worse then Geri i must say....lolz..ok...when coach came, we suppose to greet her and seniors...then there is this damn bloody girl..she said, "ok..pros all stand in front..no experience one stand behind............."then later she ownself stand in front and push all the rest behind..after that, we greeted the seniors then the BITCH said,"aiyo....call seniors so nan ting...dont call lah....."she some more DIAO me!!!!!!!! i didnt care at first so i forgave her...when they are having break, 2 sec 1s wanted to leave so fion asked them if they asked coach already not..then they pretend pretend yes like that..then she forced them to go ask coach...later the both of them took out their handphones and call/sms in front of the library and me....(they are not suppose to use hp in school!)immediately i asked them to keep it away...they didnt listen..i called them again...they ignored..so i went up to them and gave them a warning.."next time i see again..im going to tell the teacher.....!" they quickly kept their hp and went back to the basketball court... sarkie..

Then today....during lessons, i had stomach ache the whole day.....wanted to go do big business but nah....suddenly had the feeling to dye hair..so after school..i ponteng basketball and went to buy the dye..then we went to buy drinks..fetched my friend's sister and off to her house we went...so now im at her house..updating my blog....i've dyed my hair!!!!!so obvious loh...i dont know if my parents can see anot..its obviously will one loh....omg!!!!!!!but i've already done it so........oh well.....

Tomorrow at night there is a Tsunami mass at Nativity church...then im having practice with the PMJC people at about 6 plus then we have to attend Amanda's practice at 730...and then the mass starts at 8pm...oh ya...so because of the mass, i have to ponteng basketball again...lolz...then on sat, the choir practices will be at 3pm cause they want to send sam off....well..i dont think i can make it loh...i think i have other programmes in the afternoon.....so like that loh...9 more days to go...*hint hint* to all people..lolz...ciau..

9.37pm
Leonard just called me not long ago..so the practice on this sat has changed back to nigh instead of 3pm...gd for PMJC..we got more time to practice..until now i still cant find a portasound for PMJC members to practice..thats why these few weeks we will have to put in extra effort by going to church on the weekdays and practice...lol...i shant go into too much details....this sunday bible classes starting so cant stay long for breakfast with the choir...boo hoo hoo..the last week of Jan, im having class tests and stuff...*sigh*so fast test liao..then some more practices going on..dont know if i can cope...whatever it is i still have to cope by hook or by crook....for the sake of my future...

CRY
by Mandy Moore

I'll Always Remember
It Was Late Afternoon
It Lasted Forever
And Ended Too Soon
You Were All By Yourself
Staring Up At A Dark Gray Sky
I Was Changed

In Places No One Would Find
All Your Feelings So Deep Inside (Deep Inside)
It Was Then That I Realized
That Forever Was In Your Eyes
The Moment I Saw You Cry

The Moment That I Saw You Cry

It Was Late In September
And I've Seen You Before
And You Were Always The Cold One
But I Was Never That Sure
You Were All By Yourself
Staring At A Dark Gray Sky
I Was Changed

In Places No One Would Find
All Your Feelings So Deep Inside Deep Inside
It Was Then That I Realized
That Forever Was In Your Eyes
The Moment I Saw You Cry

I Wanted To Hold You
I Wanted To Make It Go Away
I Wanted To Know You
I Wanted To Make Your Everything All Right
I'll Always Remember
It Was Late Afternoon
In Places No One Would Find

In Places No One Would Find
All Your Feelings So Deep Inside Deep Inside
It Was Then That I Realized
That Forever Was In Your Eyes
The Moment I Saw You Cry

08/01/05

2005-01-08T18:19:00.000+08:00

Today...went for training at 8am..started late because we had to do our bball homework and hand up..ermx..the training today wasnt actually the full training lah..ran 10 rounds..did 100 lay-ups..60 shots and stuff..then gym..after the seniors had their match with the boys..while the juniors(us) were busy pulling sec 1s into bball...we stood on the bench and screamed like we've never screamed before..the response was quite ok...but below target..everyone was using microphones and speakers..and us?? our screams..im having soar throat already...after that i went compass point together with the rest then i proceeded home while they went to seng kang cc to play ball..

Later dont know if i can sing anot..*sigh* i just learned from belle that her father was warded in hospital last night...so she wont be coming for practice..she asked all of us to pray for her father..i will..promise...tomorrow morning dont know if i can wake up..seriously exhausted..still got some hw not done though..i got so many things to buy and so little money to spend...*sigh*

Things i want:
-new wallet
-baby looney toones file
-new billabong school bag
-choir get back*****
-unlimited supply of money!!
-new haircut!
-extreme makeover!!

*please pray for isabelle's dad...

07/01/05

2005-01-07T22:23:00.000+08:00

im back...!at last..i can finally use the internet...i almost died without it..anyways..let me tell you more about school..ok..i got this english male teacher..he is a total gay..he is like the advanced version of the gay jeremy..then he carries a hankie to school!!!understandable lah..he is one wet man...then my chinese teacher is like extremly short...she is barely up to my shoulders..she look so timid but......she's fierce!!ok...my form teacher is pregnant..oh yay! she'll go on maternanity leave then we'll have no form teacher!!!lolz...then my class received the best science teacher in the whole teacher...cool..im looking forward to all his science lessons...now..for every lesson, im trying my best to pay full attention so that i can go to a good science class next year...better not slack this year..as for basketball...received the new jerseys..red and white(singapore flag!)..trained pretty hard for the coming zone matches..this year, the new sec 1s are so irritating!!!!all so dao...see the seniors(us) always diao..like we did them wrong or something...attitude problem i tell you..at least my batch were much much much better then those freaks!its a begining of a new year..and the school has decided to standardise the PE t-shirts under the lead of the new principal and v.p..i tell you...it sucks! im not going to buy it i tell you..so ugly..red and white again..c'mon its not national day yet...this new principal in insane..he walks around the school compund and even all the way to compass point and stand at the traffic lights to watch out for all nan chiau students..siao one..so much free time spend on catching us outside of school..what is this man...sicko...i cant stand being watched even outside of school!!!tomorrow, the sec ones will be choosing their ccas...so i have to go back for training from 7am-11am and then drag people into bball after that..so big shot..sec 1 so what...i must go back just because of them...must be joking man...this year, school ends earlier..mon and thurs end at 1.10pm..fri ends at 12.40pm and tues and wed ends at 1.40pm..at least got time for me to have lunch..then next mon, i have to make a newspaper report in front of the whole class ALONE....wa lau..its just the first week of school loh..so fast..then now got projects coming up already...so many things to do and so little time...

This sat night there is choir practice..then sun mass at 7am again...tired..this sun primary bible class starts...7.15am..sam is leaving soon and jason will be taking over..on the 29th there is a wedding mass..not sure if i can make it..last sun, at the coffee shop, cat and the juniors were gossiping..lolz..she said," look..leonard is a two-timer...quick take a photo of them!" then selene took my hp and took serveral pictures..then cat called them to make them turn around in order for us to take the photos..lolz...then cat went over and didnt came back..so we thought she too..got attracted by leonard's mei li..lolz...nothing much happened lah..i dont know what to do on my birthday..i have totally no plans...*sigh*looks like it'll be just be like every other day..now my parents are more strict..i can only come online on weekends and fri night..siao liao...im seriously putting on weight man..my stomach is all coming out...omg..i need extrim!!!!!

1/01/05

2005-01-01T18:20:00.000+08:00

Happy new year to one and all !!!!it was kinda boring not having the countdown though..but who cares..we've got a new year...at last i can start afresh..no more worries and stuff...shiok arhz...ok..i potenged bball training again on thurs...lolz...i think im going to get sacked by the bball team...heck...went out with my dad...then i forgot what happened liao...then yesterday...sch reopened..went back to sch while im still in the holiday mood...gotten our new time-table...new form-teachers...new principal..aiya..everything new lah...in the morning, i went to explore all the sec 1s..lolz...no handsome guys..all so nerdy...looking at them you'll think they got attutide problem(some only)...since it was raining, we had assembly in the hall...then they made a karaoke version of the stupid school song..so chee na ok my school song...of all languages, it had to be in chinese...then we had spot check..check for hair, finger nails, socks, handphone and some other stuff...i got caught for hair...too long, touching collar...stupid...then went back to the new class..hate the new class..of all places, it had to be located near the smelly toilet...can smell it from within the class ok..stink....school ended at about 12 plus(half-day)..then i rushed back home..ate lunch..then went off to tuition...did my usual thing again...talk!!i talk and talk non stop..dragged the time..and soon...lesson ended!!!went back home and played my PS2..practiced my psalm...night came...invited my relatives to come over...the different age groups have different ares in the house..lolz...the aunties and uncles would be outside the house gossiping..the little kids(7-11) would be in the living room playing PS2..then the young teenagers would be in my room surfing the net..downloading MP3 and watching tele....didnt have to countdown this year..so the new year was like nothing much...was extremly tired..so after most of my cousins were gone, i rushed to the room and knock out!

This morning...woke up at about 7.30..washed up..warmed up my voice..then i went to church cause i arranged with jason to go early and do some last minute practice...reached there about 8.15am...warmed up and then people started coming in..sang psalms...i think i did quite ok...in fact, i think its the best i ever did..lolz..for the alleluia, it was very long and i dont know how to fit the words in so i asked jeremy to help me do it...and he agreed without any conditions....thanks man! then after mass, we were talking here and there..cat asked where was geri..and leo said maybe she forgotten today got mass...then cat and leo started to act out what her reaction would be when she comes tomorrow morning..lolz...it was raining so the adults went home..so selene, jas sim, jason and i went to the coffee shop to have our breakfast..and then i suggested to go back to the church after eating to play the organ...the rain was like very very big then stop..for 5 times we were stuck in the church and coffee shop...finally the rain stopped and the sun shined...came home at about 1 plus..feeling exhausted..changed my clothes and went to sleep already..woke up at about 5..bathed and here i am...lolz...tomorrow morning will be geri's last mass with us...*sigh*wonder if we have to wear choir tee...hmm...selene is doing psalms tomorrow and mass will be at 7..i seriously need wake up call...a normal alarm clock cant wake me up...i thought i was doing the 7th ordinary sunday of the year..and it turned out to be wrong!!!!!i learned the wrong psalms...alamak..how blur can i get...mon have to go to school again..sian...now school ends at 1.40pm instead of 2.45pm..BUT..there will be remedial lessons and ccas start at 3.30 and end at 6 plus 7...wa lau..its not shorter loh...ITS EVEN LONGER!!!next year no time to play anymore...must study hard..i wan to go pure science stream..so must work extra extra hard....thats all that happened...
*people-HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

29/12/04

2004-12-29T19:12:00.000+08:00

Another day has passed...that means i have to complete my homework fast..well..im still in the holiday mood though...yesterday, i pontenged bball training...too tired to go..the past few days didnt really get any sleep...maybe 3-5h of sleep??woke up at about 7.30am..came online(but then no one was there)...ate breakfast at home..then went out with my nanny...we went to big big, 3-storyed, OG....bought some clothes for the new year...so expensive ok..but not i pay...haha..i wanted to get a bilabong wallet one..but i see my nanny old already and not working so i didnt want to waste her money...came back around 6 plus in the evening..then at 8 went for TKD training...taught the colour belts their patterns...then when the class was dismissed, the black belts stayed back...did our own pattern(koreo)...then sir tested us the colour belts pattern and then he told us to sit down...he said that if i train hard enough, i might have the chance to be in national sparring team...and that the election is next year's august...he also said i have potential...haha...i think im really going to train hard man...if not i'll get kicked in the ass...i will go for grading at the end of sec 3 for the next level of black belt..haha...when im 16, im going to buy the addidas gee...and sew name on the belt...cool huh....

Today...had carrot cake for breakfast(my dad ta pao come back)..slack here and there..watched tv..then we went to blk 401 there for lunch..jas low came and met up with me..then my dad sent us to church...i arranged with jason to practiced psalms with me..then jason asked jas low to come along...i getting very very suspicious about the both of them...haha..although the both of them denied of course...i think the whole choir knows loh..but...belle and i never tell anyone...how come EVERONE knows???even geri came to hear about it...strange...then the both of them came and confront us..so pissed off...how i know they know...ask them lah..its like if they are not guilty, they wont be afraid of rumours loh..haha..so something must be going on...hur hur...so we practiced psalms and the hymns for sat and sun's mass...then we went our seperate ways about 4 plus...came home..cleared my cupboard..drawers and stuff..threw away all the garbage...my cabinet is now quite empty..so that means....I HAVE TO BUY MORE CLOTHES TO FILL UP THE SPACE!!i always enjoy shopping....now, my parents out for dinner...so left my brother, maid and i alone at home..will be having instant noodles for dinner...*sigh*im like using internet everyday for long hours..i think the bill is shooting up like fireworks..haha...saving money..if not i will go bankrupt..anyone willing to be my ATM?*money not enough*

Friday have to go school liao...have to bring back the report book...dont know if my parents sign already not..dont feel like going back leh..hmm...maybe i should break the school rules on the first day..new principle came in already..had his first meeting on mon i heard...whoa..his glasses very the big...can cover half his face arhz...so old some more...maybe i should go to school with white shoes instead of black???or best...dont go(like what my cousin will be doing)...haha..see how..tomorrow morning got training at 7am..siao lah..dont feel like going..i want to quit my cca!!!i dont like to train 3 times a week...training so tough..can make me fall on my knees and beg for mercy arhz..we are just kids...insane man...

This sat got mass at 9am..then sun morning mass will be at 7am already...dont know can wake up in time anot...need wake up call...any volunteers??not sure if sat night got choir practice anot...*shrugs*looks like my birthday anne and geri wont be there to celebrate with me cause they wont be coming for practices...boo hoo hoo...off to eat instant noodles liaoz....

All At Once

All at once,
I finally took a moment and I'm realizing that
Your not coming back
And it finally hit me all at once
All at once,
I started counting teardrops and at least a million fell
My eyes began to swell,
And all my dreams were shattered all at once

Chorus:
Ever since I met you
You're the only love I've known
And I can't forget you
Though I must face it all alone
All at once,
I'm drifting on a lonely sea
Wishing you'd come back to me
And that's all that matters now
All at once,
I'm drifting on a lonely sea
Holding on to memories
And it hurts me more than you know
So much more than it shows
All at once

All at once,
I looked around and found that you were with another love
In someone else's arms,
And all my dreams were shattered, all at once
All at once
The smile that used to greet me brightened someone else's day
She took your smile away
And left me with just memories, all at once

27/12/04

2004-12-27T21:43:00.000+08:00

Finally went for training today...was extremly lazy to get up at 6 in the morning...today we won singapore chinese girls..haha...trashed them like shit...after that i went to compass point to stroll around...find it boring so i called Jelena and my cousins to go arcade and play...the para para paradise got people playing so we didnt play..instead we wnet to play some shooting game or something like that...Jelena had to go home so i went to my grandfather's house since there's no one at home to entertain me....ate chicken rice for lunch...at about 6.15pm..went home..bathe and stuff..and i watched the polar express...a very meaningful show...love it...well..nothing much happened today...right now im losing my voice..dont even know if i can make it for sat's mass...i'll see on wed..if i still have the voice then i do psalms..if its getting worse then i ask michelle to standby....the alleluia for that mass is very long..dont know how to do..so i asked jer to help me sing..tomorrow got training again..siao one coach..train train non-stop..think what, we are robots arhz..no need to rest one is it...today play until so tired tomorrow still got training...nowadays im missing a lot of sleep..im having eye bags now..*sigh*homework not done...havent edit my project...tuition homework not done...psalm not practiced...what a holiday man....well thats all i guess...

26/12/04

2004-12-26T21:45:00.000+08:00

Hey..yesterday's mass was fantastic..everyone was in high spirits..ok here's what happened..after the having dinner at my house, we all quickly rushed to the church cause we thought we were late..when we saw people still downstairs, we slowed down, kept our cool and stroll in..haha..we walked in twos some more..a group of maroon morrons...haha...then we went up to the green house cause it was burning hot downstairs..not long later, warm ups started...everyone looked so grand...at about 10.40pm we had our toilet breaks and then the cantata started...everything went quiye well i must say...we sounded especially nice for that night..after each song, there would be loud applause from the audience..haha..feel as if we're in a concert or something like that...cantata ended and then mass started...we sounded LOUD!during the homily, selene and i were falling asleep cuase fr.tay was very long winded...quite a mumber of times we got woken up by his enthusiasm..time passed quickly and soon mass ended too...went up to green house..and it was presents time!!gave out all the presents..i think Geri got the most presents that night..dont know why she so special*shrugs*.....then i saw Jeremy hugged selene...*jaw dropped*went home at about 1.40 plus...i was walking back with jas sim then went i turned behind, I SAW JEREMY KISSED SELENE!!!!!!!*jaw broken already*at the main road there some more...*sigh*got home...too tired to bathe..so i just changed, washed up and slept soundly...

On Christmas morning..attended the 11am mass...after that went to anne's house for lunch..didnt eat much..*on a diet*then Geri offered me beer..haha..of course i drink lah...i always share beer with my mum one...then i followed Geri they all...Jeremy asked me to go to his grandfather's place cause my cousins are all there...i rejected his offer..but in the end, we went to the arcade with all the cousins..we spent 3h just playing para para paradise..haha...jeremy very pro leh...haha..got home at about 5.40pm..bathe and went straight to my uncle's place for bbq...my uncle damn freaking rich ok..he owns 5 cars and a mansion...whoa..sick man...went up to their living room and slept there like a pig..exhausted from the full day's activities...went home about 1am...slept about 2am..

This morning, did psalms..i screwed up the whole thing...i was disappointed with myself..i disgraced the choir..i was feeling down...besides that i was feeling down cause it was the last mass we'll be having with Anne and Geri...i didnt sing loudly for the hymns..and i think Anne knows that i was down cause of the psalm and alleluia...my face was totally black...after mass..they sat in s circle and discussed about next week...and cat asked me to do the psalms for new year's day's mass...i was like huh....then selene was like laughing at me..soon...i had to leave..at that moment i just wanted to cry out and give them both a hug..but i didnt..im feeling devestated...melvin was alone so he asked me if i wanted to go for breakfast with him..but i told him i cant so he came and walked me to the bus stop..people dont get the wrong idea..he's attached...im feeling so down...screwed up psalms and alleluia..anne and geri will be leaving...jeremy kissed selene...what worse can happen??i dont know....*choir-im sorry i screwed up...those who are leaving..i'll miss you guys...*

Tomorrow there is competition for bball..have to go back to school..this fri sch reopens..i have to go back to school again...havent done my homework..cant be bothered actually...will be sec 2 next year..going to be 1 year older liao..but being older comes more responsibilities...and now im having trouble with everything..it'll be worse next year...bible class starts on the 16 jan at 9.30am..next week mass will be at 7am..even my aunties and uncles think its crazy..we are all having difficulties waking up for 7.30am mass and now its even earlier...fr.tay God is mad...i think he's the one that is mad..lunatic..insane...i dont know what to say anymore..i cant bear for them to leave but i know there's nothing i can do to stop them from leaving..well...like anne said..mass still has to go on..

24/12/04

2004-12-24T15:33:00.000+08:00

Hey!!!tomorrow is Christmas Day.....!so here i am wishing you all a Merry Christmas!this will be quite a short post...tonight we'll be having the advent service at 11pm and the mass itself at 12am...venue is Nativity Church..all people(holy non-holy) do come...right now i dont want to bother about anything and just concentrate on the celebration tonight...i want to cherish every moment i have with the choir and those who are leaving...i dont want to let anything obstruct my way...all i have left now is gone...even my faith is no longer there(i think)...so i'll take this chance to build up my faith again and search my true self..hope that God sees what i see and correct what i dont see...anyways...MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!!! *hint hint...sluts.....*

6.47pm

im so angry with jason they all....they said they coming to eat at my house one..then 10min before they are suppose to be here, they say they are eating at belle's house..its like..the food is all prepared loh...i pu tin so much effort to arrange it for them and this is how they treat me...like SHIT! FUCK them lah...fed up...

22/12/04

2004-12-22T23:57:00.000+08:00

DISASTER!!

Today i went out with isabelle go Kovan to get some christmas gifts...spent the whole day shopping...but there wasnt much to see anyway..i spent about $40++ ok....what the hell...all my own money you know....the both of us comitted a grave mistake by buying Gerianne's present first...never thought she would be so expensive...cost us a bomb!after buying her expansive gift..i could only buy for 3 more people...so i bought for Anne, Cat and Leonard...guess what i bought for them....haha..thats for me to know and for you to find out....anyway..i came home at about 4 plus, carrying big bags and small bags..bought wrapping paper too...i thought i giving,those people whom i never give presents to, some cards..people like Joe, Kevin, Dom, Jeremy and the kids...but...i didnt have enough money to buy cards..(all thanks to the first present...)so gave that thought up..*sigh*there's so many things to buy and so little money so spend....when my parents got home, they nagged and scolded me for spending so much money on only 4 gifts...(5 to be exact...you'll know when christmas comes...thats why i said Geri is very very expensive..)after a few hours..i started to kinda regret..." i buy so many for what.....people also wont get me anything....never mind lah...its christmas.........."

Had choir practice just now...not many people turned up...sops had about 15-20..altos only 4?...tenors 4 and bass 5...but we still continued with our practice...practice was fun...the other jeremy(the one im allergic to...the one im not allergic to didnt come..) kept making the same mistake and some more his voice is so loud and sharp...it didnt blend with our voices...luckily Emily siad to try out without Jeremy singing..then we sounded nicer..haha....so melvin went to coach him personally...for "Angels", the gloria part is supose to be flowing and nice(dont know how to spell that word so i shant use it)..instead he is doing energetic, short and hard " GLO-O-O-O......O-O-O....O-O-O...O-RIA!" like that...get it?never mind...everyone was laughing their heads off....practice ended off quite early..then i was talking to Jas sim..she said there was free show at the bus stop just now...i was like...wa lao why everytime you got free show?i also want to see...not fair...well..its true...she gets to see people kissing and hugging and touching at the bus stop(want to do go home and do lah..i tell you why..see arhz..afetr doing all these stuff, you'll feel very excited then if you at the bus stop no bed cannot do what...so go home and do...all the facilities there..)...some more she say this time the couple arhz..kiss got sound one..very loud..haha...cant help but laugh and imitate the sound..haha...got home all tired and worned out...arranged the time already...on christmas eve, they will be coming to my house at 6pm..so that they wont feel so full while we are singing...the menu has changed..sharron doesnt want steamboat and the rest said anything..so i decided to have chicken wings and small other dishes lah..not too full....cant wait for christmas eve...i doubt i'll receive anything..cause last year i practically didnt receive anything..oh well............

I Dream
In my mind I can climb all the mountains that surround me my spirit's there, where eagles dare to fly
In my heart there's a spark that can light the world around me an open door where I am sure dreams are
doesn't matter if i win or the colour of my skin cos the race is all about believeing in yourself

And I dream I can run like the wind and be strong when my heart just wants to give in I dream I can be the hero that's in me And I dream ...I dream ...

There's a time in your life when the odds are so against you There's no defeat if all you keep is pride
First or last slow or fast there's a dignity that makes you keep driving on when worlds have come apart
Doesn't matter rich or poor or the things you've done before cos the race is all about believeing in yourself

And I dream I can runlike the wind and be strong when my heart just wants to give in And I dream I can be the hero that's in me And I dream ... I dream ...

Of the moment that forever will be golden When the torch is passed only dreams will last that are shared by everyone

And I dream I can runlike the wind and be strong when my heart just wants to give in And I dream I can be thehero that's in me And I dream ... I dream ...

And I dream ...of you ...

20/12/04

2004-12-20T22:22:00.000+08:00

Today..was quite a dull day for me..ate lor mee for breakfast then went back to hougang to to settle all my dad's bills...went to popular to buy stuff...saw some really cute christmas cards..thought of sending them to choir peeps..but i dont know their address so i gave up that thought and didnt buy..doubt im sending any cards out this year..so rushing..after that i went to hougang central to have a look at the piano lessons that they have...guess what..........IT WASNT OPEN......-_-".....i was looking so forward to it and then it didnt open...fuck lah....no choice but to go back home..watched a bit of tv..ate a bit of durians..slack here and there..and then..night came...my mum was searching for this particular cd, which i dont even listen to.....she searched the whole house and even searched my cupboards..confronted me and stuff..she was HOT...started scolding my bro and i..saying what...." everything i buy for you..in the end you all treat me like shit!after you all do all your stuff i have to clear all the fucking shit for you..think i am what?bloody swine"i tell you she is so damn full of shit..so what if she is my mum..does it give her the right to put all the blame on us??come on..we're innocent..tolerate..im taking it as though its music to my ears....sick and tired...

On christmas eve..im having a steamboat at home and i intend to invite all choir peeps to my house...but im afraid the seniors would feel bored and left out so i didnt excatly invite them..but they dont mind they can come along too..maybe about 6 plus 7 like that...then we proceed to church..im thinking of asking jas sim and belle to come along with me to style up our hair...well..afterall its christmas...everything should be grand...havent make arrangement yet...couldnt find any maroon blouse so i borrowed it from my aunt..its kinda small..especially at the waist there...then its very low cut if i dont button..but if i button its very high...ah dui...so ma fan...the length is extremly short..i just have to move my shoulders up and 'poof' , you can see my flash...cant wait till christmas...

Received a piece of shocking news this afternoon...school reopens on the 31st!!!!!!!its like so much earlier then the other schools...sick....why does my school have to be so extra..i want to transfer!!!!i dont want to stay in this fucking school anymore!!!! i want to go to University of Santo Tomas Conservatory of Music...! i told my dad about what i want and dream to be...and all he said was...stop dreaming...wa lao..instead to encouraging me he said things like that..what a father man...i want to be a great musician/singer when i grow up...i really do..damn it..i dont care...the most i'll pay all the fees myself...that means i'll have to start saving money now...*sigh*without music is ike a world without colours..so dull...i certainly dont wish to live in a dull world of my own..
*i just know these 2 guys from England on the net..Alun and Aaron...i saw them on web cam..cool sia...
*

19/12/04

2004-12-19T23:08:00.000+08:00

Continue..
Beijing's air is terribly polluted...dirty...within 7 days i put on 3kg ok...im seriously need to go on a diet..well...we went there with 2 luggage and came back with 5 luggage..cool huh..bought quite a no. of things...mostly all shoes..i bought 3 pairs of new shoes..haha..

This morning i did psalms...i think it was ok lah..the choir said it was soft so i have to sing louder next time round..next sunday michelle wont be coming for mass so i will be doing psalms again..i planned to wear new shoes one..see lah cannot wear liao..today's mass was ok i suppose..after mass we had our usual practice..then we headed for the coffee shop for breakfast..at 2pm i had tuition together with my cousins at their house..the tuition was quite good i suppose..

Choir practice was extremly tirring today...went thorugh everything..manage to hit the b flats and a s....wed we'll be having another practice..on christmas day we are serving the 11am mass..after that we are all invited to anne's house...woo hoo...free food...but after christmas, its back to school...sian..ponteng school lah..christmas approaching..and im falling sick..having flu and bad throat now...but i still blast during practice...hope i can heal in time for christmas and psalms...well thats all that happened today i think...mum's in a bad mood and so am i..got scolded for nothing..tolerating her...if she carries on like this...not considering my feelings...thats it man...i'll run away from home...go live somewhere else..the world is so big...there has got to be a place where i belong....i know...the church...next year...quite a no. of people will not remain in STAC due the time slot of the mass...will miss them dearly..i'll pray for them.....sadded..never expect our choir will end up this way..

Tomorow i may be signing up for piano classes...yea!!hooray!!(thumbs up)lets hope everything will go well for christmas....i saw him and her together at the bus stop last night..i felt the strongness of his feelings towars her...im upset..demoralised..suddenly i hate the world..i hate everything..i hated him....of all people............him......

Died for Love-
I sit in the park where I dwell,
For this boy I love so well.
He took my heart away from me,
Now he wants to set me free.
I see a girl on his lap,
He says things to her he never said to me.
I ran home to cry on my bed,
Not a word to mother was said.
Father came home late that night,
He looked at me from left to right.
He saw me hanging from a rope,
He took his knife to cut me down.
And on my dress a note was found:
Dig my grave, Dig it deep.
Dig my grave, From head to feet.
And on the top place a dove.
And remember this, I died for love...

18/12/04

2004-12-18T23:04:00.000+08:00

hey...finally came back to Singapore...the plane touched down yesterday night..the flight was delayed by an hour due to some problems...well...overall the trip was ok...quite fun except for certain things...we didnt have enough time for shopping!!total rushing man..tell me how to shop within 40 min?buy nothing i tell you...

Saturday
Reached China airport at 6 plus in the morning..went to a resturant for breakfast..then we proceeded to the forbidden city...took a few snaps here and there..spent about 3h there.then we went to another resturant for a 9-10 course lunch(practically we had 9-10 course meal everyday..breakfast, lunch and dinner)..er...i forgot where we went next..haha..been to too many places..

Sunday
Morning call at 6.30am...washed up..head for the resturant and then to the toilet!!!(bomb dropping)At about 8 plus..we went to the great wall of china..i climbed to the third level and its enough for me..one of the kinds from the other family was afraid of heights and yet he insisted on climbing and in the end...he cried and the parents had to carry him down...stubborn...despite the cold whether the in Beijing..i was all wet after all the climbing and stuff...the steps were really steep..it was almost 90 degrees!! i had to crawl on all 4s to get to the top...time passed quickly and soon..it was time for lunch...out of 10 dishes..7 of them were vegetables..so my brother had to sit there and watch us eat because he doesnt eat veggies...the food was all oily and fattening..sometimes i dont even know what the hell im eating...the food they serve there is completely different from Singapore..after lunch..i also forgot where i went..haha..

Monday
It was the same breakfast as the previous day...did the same thing..then the tour guide brought us to the ski resort....the journey was supose to be about 2h plus..but for some reasons the road was blocked and we had the go a different way...we kinda got lost at first but in the end we arrived safely...reached there about noon..had beef noodles for lunch...didnt finish the whole bowl cause it was too oily....eeeeeee....my cousin, brother and i shared a coach...for the first 2h..we learnt how to stop and speed up and skii in curvy lines...then we were on our own..oh wait...before we started the lesson, my mum took a photo of us together with the coach..know what the coach did?he placed his hand on my butt...! im not so cheap for goodness sake......after a whole day at the ski resort..we headed back for the hotel...on the bus, everyone was praising how good i was at skiing and that i should go join the olympics...haha..arrived at the hotel and its off to dream land..

Tuesday
...............................

Wednesday
...............................

Thursday
...............................

Friday
At last...it was time to go home..i dont really like china..cause the people there very fierce..then their service is horrible...i just abhor them....yucks!after lunch, we headed straight for the airport...then 6h later..arrived at the airport..grabbed our luggages and drove home...i can tell you..im never going to china again..i dont like it there...

Today...today..went for breakfast with family at Toa Payoh...ate fishball noodles...mmm yum yum..really missed the food here in Singapore...then went the dont know where to visit my grandfather's grave or whatever you call it...the place where they put the ashes..met up with all my relatives there...together we went to IMM for seafood lunch...headed for home next..i never like meeting up with my aunties and uncles(excluding my cousins).....cant stand everything about them..

Choir was great...2 people joined us tonight..forgot their names...tomorrow night we'll still have choir practice and same on wed night..tomorrow im doing psalms...jas sim is doing psalms too..on the 6 feb..heard that is cat choose one...2-4 i'll be having maths tuition conducted by my uncle..sian lah..maths again..i havent do my homework yet..and school is reopening...wait for mon to do loh...ok gtg...dad is nagging...

09/12/04

2004-12-09T17:42:00.000+08:00

hey hey..back..flying off tomorrow..the flight is at 1.20 am on sat..tonight Jason is flying off to Australia...sat selene will be going to dont know where until sun..everyone is going overseas..im going to miss all the choir peeps...missing a week's choir practice is like stabbing a knife through my heart a hundred times...*sigh*yesterday...i finally went back for bball training after a very long break...ran about 150 rounds round the bball court(broke the previous record)..then we went to gym and skipped 200 doubles...so tired man..then today..we ran another 50 rounds..i run till my whole body ache arhz...dont know why..when everyone was running their stomach would hurt..well..including mine lah...then we played 1 on 2 and 2 on 2..coach was pretty angry at the way we trained today...it wasnt up to her expectations..then she ended the training with 500 doubles..die man..i was like...~huh~crazy one...train us as if we're going to be in the nationals like that..even outside team also dont train until like that...sian lah...

Sat is my dad's birthday...and i dont know what to get him..he wont be celebrating his birthday in Singapore that's for sure...tonight we'll be having steamboat at home..but im too full to eat..after training today...my cousin and i were so hungry that we ate 2 plates of char siew rice in one go..pro sia....oh man..stomach bloated arhz...how to jian fei like that?for my next psalm, i will need leonard's help again..i need him to sing the alleluia...cause i wont be able to practice in Beijing..hope he'll have a heart and help out...kinda roughly know how to sing my psalm already..maybe when i get back, i'll ask jason, selene or jeremy to help me...*sigh*if only i dont have to go on a holiday...wont have so much trouble...

Today...my cousin and i decided to dye hair..so we went watsons to buy and then went to ya qi's house cause her house was the only avaliable place to go...hahaz...spent an hour plus making and washing it...in the end.........................NO COLOUR!!!whoa...i very angry...im not going to dye anymore...pek chek...i give up man...sick arhz...then this morning i saw my school's new principle!!!he botak one...wear big big big squarish glasses...so lao tu...hahaz...so the bballers call him big eyed freak.....he came over so we no choice but to greet him..hahaz...greeted him SIR...so throw face..its the first and last time im going to greet him man...cant believe MOE sent a guy like him to our school...cannot send younger one meh.......i kinda regretted coming to this school..i could have gone to ang mo kio sec but just because my cousin is in Nan Chiau then i have to go also..not fair...sucks lah.....ok...gtg practice my psalm...
*flying off tomorrow....dont miss me too much!!!!!

07/12/04

2004-12-07T13:05:00.000+08:00

yoz..look who's back...i've finally done it!i sang psalms yesterday!!on sat night..i practiced my psalm till 2 plus in the morning..then i figured that i need my beauty sleep so i jumped on my bed and its off to la~la land..i woke up at 6.45am and shit!boy was i late...i usually wake up at 6.30 u see...to have enough time to warm up my voice..i was suppose to wake up at 6 for that particular morning but i was 45 min late...i rushed to the toilet and stuff..get changed and packed my bag and its off to church..did a little bit of warm up while changing clothes by singing charlotte church's songs..when i reached church..no one had arrived...so i waited..then slowly, one by one they came in...though some were late(i dont wish to point fingers)...i was quite nervous but not as nervous as the first time i cantored...i walked up there took a bow and said,"woo...so cool...so many people..whoa!"hahaz..i was damn excited..well..it was always my dream to sing on stage..i just want to spread the feeling about music to everyone(which no words can describe)...now..i think its kinda accomplished..at least i did it...i think i cantored better then the last time...but it's stil not good enough..i went flat and stuff..when i raised my hand for the response, i my hand was shivering loh..haha..i tried not to look at the people and fix my eyes on the paper i had instead...cat didnt come thus i didnt get back my scores...so i had to write the pauses and words on a piece on paper and off i went...as for the alleluia..thank goodness leonard helped me..it was a last min thing..

For the mass..it was horrible..the hymns were sung horribly and..........its chaos i tell ya...after the mass...anne was furious..she said she didnt want to scold anymore because she was sick and tired of scolding us the whole time..then joe took out the scores and said she has the scores but didnt want to take out only..then she slam the scores on the bench...i guess....they are not angry with the whole choir...they are angry with the junior sops(us)..*sigh*i can only apologize and promise to work harder..im sure the rest share the same thinking as me...i heard that during breakfast, anne was so angry that she asked Geri, Jeremy......eh..i forgot who liao..to go to her house and left selene, belle and the juniors behind...i wasnt there so i dont know the whole story...if i could, i'll surely make it up to them...

This fri im going off already...wont be attending mass and choir prac..they will be having rehearsal for the whole thing..and im going to miss it!!!!!*boo hoo hoo*but its not only me lah..selene and belle also not going...all going somewhere else...i will only be back on the 17..i hope some kind soul will remember tell them that the 3 of us are not there cause they are arranging the places that we are going to sit for Christmas Mass...im doing psalms again on the 19 and i only have 1 day to really drill before cantoring...oh ya..on the 18, 19 and 22 got choir prac..so maybe i can practice before or after the combine prac....its slightly more difficult...got low low notes...can hit lah..still within my range..the difficult part is that i have to change from low register to high register..i cant hit G for my normal talking range...so i have to change voice....hard man..but what to do?but whatever it is..i'll still try my best...anyone from STA is reading this please help me tell them that im singing psalms for the following week..im not switching with mich...

Today...went to Mac Ritchie in the early morning for a walk..then we ate roti prata..went home at about 10am plus...then we went to the briefing for the trip to China...came back about 10 pm...and rushed through my project and handed it up..if not will deduct marks..in still trying to figure out how to download MP3 into my phone...i'll try tomorrow...late liaoz..im exhausted after a long day...just now Daryl asked me if i want to go out with him to buy Christmas presents tomorrow..dont know if i can/should...see how lah...i no money buy what presents...i've yet to settle and maroon top....so many things to settle and yet so little time...cant the sun just set slower...school reopening soon..have to study again...next year some of the choir peeps like anne, geri and sam are not coming for the 7am mass anymore..so its left with the young ones and leonard and maybe cat and emily....*sigh*looks like STA is about to split...sadded...sadded.....

04/12/04

2004-12-04T23:41:00.000+08:00

Just came back from the performance at the Esplanade..it was fantastic i tell ya..all so pro..especially the lady in red....ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..my idol......lets all work hard and be like her..hahaz..the 3 soloist was so pro that they can over-power the whole choir..hahaz..i doubt they got mics lah...so loud man..then there was this part where a young boy drop his scores on the floor on purpose..hahaz..funny sia..but i dont why he did that for..to perk us up maybe...the part i loved most was the sing along part..hahaz...it really got me into the mood to sing..i guess it did for everyone..the row i was sitting had descant, sop, altos, tenor, bass and a organist..hahaz..so we sang parts for some of the songs lah...bit and pieces here and there..it was a really great experience..first time going for a performance like this and first time entering the esplanade concert hall too.....i have only 1 word to describe today...terrific...

This morning the whole family went to dont know where for breakfast..then we went to Tekka Mall for shopping..and then i went for a haircut...i told the auntie that i was going out so she helped me style my hair for free..went i got home..i find it a bit too " pong " so i went to wash it away..i wanted everything to go perfect today,although its like every other normal day in my life..i bathed..took my own sweet time..then while i was about to style my hair, belle called for me to hurry up cause she reached the mrt station liao...i had no choice but to rush..i forgot to comb my hair and stuff..forgot to bring what i wanted to bring...and everything went bonkers..then we took the mrt to D.B to look for Geri and her 'gang'..we thought they were at Plaza Sing. so went in and searched the whole building for them...i gave up and decided to call them..she said they were at Fish & Co. but there was no such stall/house in plaza sing. except Fish and Cool..so we went up and down the shopping centre for 5 times and spent about 45 min searching for them..in the end....they were not at plaza sing...Fish & Co. was across the road opposite plaza sing....whoa...belle and i were so pissed..we were suppose to have our dinner but then we were too angry to be hungry..so we decided not to eat...at last we found them!!strolling to Park Mall after we called them again...it was quite a big group..saw selene and jeremy...............ah-hem....i shant go into that...then we went to the bus stop and took bus..by then i was all sweaty...we had to cross this extremly busy road and adults were like want to cross dont want to cross liek that..then left me and jeremy behind..almost get knocked down by the red car and taxi..its the first and last time im going to cross a road like that..im still young..too early to die....well today i tried to keep the distance between jeremy and selene when they are together lah..did what im suppose to do and not be too bright loh..*sigh*what else can i do you tell me...sit there and watch them mehz?no right....*sigh*dont know lah.....

Tomorrow im doing psalms liaoz...very very nervous...leonard is making fun of me..say if i sing the alleluia wrongly no one will laugh except him cause im first timer...wa lau...bu gei mian zi...zen me ban?im not prepared..both mentally and musically....argh!!!help me...how many more hours to go only before i psalm...im not going to sleep tonight...if not i cant warm up my voice in time...shit lah...just hope that my parents wont turn up for mass tomorrow..i dont want then to nag at me when i get home.........wish me luck!

03/12/04

2004-12-03T23:01:00.000+08:00

hey...today is the begining of a very ' wet ' week for me..*sigh*tomorrow going for some performance..how to sit through you tell me..of all times it had to come today...so unlucky..annoying man...anyway..today i finally the scores for my psalm from cat!!!!!she mailed it to me..ok so psalm is settled...now is the alleluia...Leonard dont want to help me sing...haiya...then how???now we are arguing about what time to meet tomorrow...belle and i want to meet selene together with Geri then Jason cannot..then i cant just leave paul and jason there alone to rot what...aiya..belle and i having headache arhz....so troublesome..guys arhz guys....aiya...

Havent do my project yet...totally no time to do..*sigh*busy busy...a few words to describe the past few days-boring...busy...total waste of my time...exhausting....well...i have no inspiration liao...gotta do my nails...ciau

02/12/04

2004-12-02T21:30:00.000+08:00

Today is Jason's birthday if im not wrong...just wished him happy birthday not long ago...i spent the whole day at Plaza Singapura today....ate raw fish for breakfast..then we proceeded to the Motorola ServiceOne to get my phone repaired and stuff...we had to wait for 4h so we shopped the whole of Plaza Singapura until i know it inside out..hahaz...test me lah if u dont believe...my parents and i went Giant supermarket to buy groceries..i was bored so i dragged my brother to the Toy section..hahaz...i saw a keyboard..and well....i cant restrain myself from playing it so i played Canon in d...thats the only piece i know how to play fully...hahaz..so i played..then slowly....kids were gathering round me..hahaz..embarrassing man..i didnt bother so i played on...then play finish i faster run away..hahaz...guess what happened...THE KIDS FOLLOWED ME!!!i was like......oh boy oh boy..what have i gotten myself into...MUMMY!!!but in the end managed to shake them off..wa lao...make me run round the whole supermaket like an idiot....kids nowadays are so................annoying......

After 4h of roaming around...i finally got back my phone and its home sweet home..tomorrow morning got tuition..sick lah...dont feel like doing the homework...heck lah...tomorrow will be a very busy day for me..i'll have to rush through my project and send it to my friend by sun for her to edit and hand it up to teacher by mon if not will deduct marks from CA1....go to hell man...this sun's psalm i've not practice...the alleluia also havent practice..still need to find 6 people to distribute stuff for the 11.15 mass..still need to do project...school homework...tuition homework...i have yet to settle my bills...hp bills...internet bills...have to treat my parents to Burger King cause they help me send my phone for repair...thank goodness the repairing of the phone was free of charge....bankrupt man... -$$$

Lost all the numbers in my phone and no one is willing to give me their numbers...no scores no psalm man..i dont have cat's no. and no one is replying me....what the hell is going on around here.......all dead??

01/12/04

2004-12-01T22:20:00.000+08:00

hey...i've explored my phone and it wae fantastic..it has 3-D surround sound and stuff..it can even change skin..cool yea..it was a bit idfficult to adapt to the phone at first..but i guess its ok now..i love every part of the phone....except.......ITS A M1 PHONE!!and im a singtel user...some more M1 had set somethings in side which are meant for M1 users only...so the past few days...i ran round Singapore like an idiot trying to activate my GPRS...in the end..i found that that i have to go to Motorola dont know what to reset all my settings....sick know...waste my time..so tomorrow hopefully i can get my settings changed and stuff....troublesome...

I've havent actually been practicing my psalm...Cat borrowed my psalm book and said that she would return it to me by today..but until now....NO!!!!!im so dead...i dont have the words too..how to practice??im so dead...then i sms Geri for all choir peeps's nunbers....she never reply...i sms Jason..he also never reply..what the hell is going on man...fuck...i dont wish to make a fool outta myself kaez....freak man...fedup...i need my psalm book!

Today nothing much happened...went to Parkway Parade for breakfast and stuff...then went to ask about my phone...after that...we went to Civil Service Club to play badminton for 4h..whole body aching man..exhausted...watching the results for Singapore now...nothing much lah..Singapore cant be compared to America...right right..im a citizen that talk bad about my country...well Singapore..if you're not happy...jail me!Olinda is much better then all of them..but she got voted out...what is Singapore voting man...*sigh*

Time is passing so fast...a day is like an hour to me...its already Dec and this sun im singing psalms..homework all not done..project not done either..dont know whats going on around me..too fast man...chill out...i feel as if i just joined choir yesterday or something like that..hahaz..but its been a year and we're recuiting pepople already...fast..dont whether to cry or laugh man..all of a sudden..i dont feel like growing up..i want to stay the way i am now..carefree and no worries...i want to soar above the heavens..like an eagle...well...like i say..im still earning my wings............
*MY SCORES!!

29/11/04

2004-11-29T21:25:00.000+08:00

hey...something fantastic happened to me today....I GOT A NEW HANDPHONE!!well...i didnt expect to buy a new hp at this point of time....it was so sudden..ok..this was what happened...this morning we went to Heartland Mall there to have our breakfast/lunch...then we went to Parkway Parade for shopping...my parents were looking at winter clothings as next Fri we are flying to China..i hate looking at stuff like that so i decided to pop in at the hp shop just next to it..i was hoping to see some Pantech phones on sale..but nah...then my dad came and saw this Motorola Phone, E398, on sale...and it was about time my mum upgrade her plan...so they decided to get that phone.but my mum doesnt like it so she gave it to me, then my Nokia 6100 give it to her and when its time for me to upgrade my plan, she will trade in the 6100 and get a new hp for herself.....complicated lah..but the phone was out of stock at Parkway Parade...so the guy called up the retail at Compass Point..it was out of stock too...so he called up West Mall...they are left with black colour so ok loh..like that...then we rushed back home to get my mum's IC and stuff...when we got there, it was so damn crowded...like pasamalam like that...cant stand places like that...we took our Q no. and waited for 15 min or so...in the mean time, my mum was observing young guys...then she siad to me,"ooi..look..see that young man over there....?i want to go that counter...i dont one to go young girls one...maybe next time your bf will look like that."i was so pissed with her man...its like he is so ugly...got black circle round his eyes..then the eyes so small...eeeeeee..if i marry a guy like him, our children wont be pretty/handsome one........hahaz....then when it was our turn...suay suay go that young man's counter leh..then my dad standing there laughing...embarrassing man..so my mum upgraded her plan and stuff..when we were about to pay, the guy said,"if you pay by Citi Bank, you will get a bluetooth worth $168 free!"i was like......MUM!!U NEVER BRING!!!damn angry with her...then my dad discussed with my mum and decided to go ack home get the Citi Bank card and return in the night to get the phone..hahaz....well...that phone wasnt exactly the phone of my dreams..but i guess still can pass lah...right now i havent gotten the phone yet...i think i can only see it tomorrow morning..cant wait man...the phone is rubberized one....i dont like man..but what can i do?i get the chance to change phone then change loh..better then nothing....well thats about all i did today..tired man..i ask people for comments on the phone they all say dont know..*sigh*

28/11/04

2004-11-28T16:35:00.000+08:00

well well well..just came back from the workshop as my parents had to attend some renewal of marrige vows or something...cant leave my brother alone at home..sick man he..everything also cannot one...stay at home alone for a few moments also cannot..sickening..anyway..the retreat was ok..THE SLUTS DIDNT TURN UP!!woo hoo..but anyway they'll be joining us in choir..*sigh*i think argh..is they think too highly of themselves and dont wish to go through stuff like this before joining the choir...how arrogant..suckers..well..i shant my time on them..they arent worth it..i'll concentrate on my next's week's psalm..this morning sang my psalms in front of the choir..kinda nervous..went off pitch and stuff...it was horrible..i hate it..lets hope i dont make the same mistakes next sun..my pitching sucks!!!what am i gonna do?whaddahell......

After breakfast, the seniors went back home and let the juniors do all the shopping..so paul, jason, selene and I went to hougang mall to buy some tidbits and pandan cake for the retreat..jason's mum provided us with bandong so there was no need to worry about drinks..spent about $10 plus in all..not that much lah..we felt tired so we decided to go Leonard's house for some rest..found the block but couldnt find the unit that he was staying in..but in the end we still did..cause that dog of his kept barking and we knew its there...hahaz..the house was quite nice lah...bigger then mine anyway....then after 1h we finally went down to church..actually we didnt want to go as we were all tired and lazy...but i guess we've got no choice..hahaz

Next sat we are going for the performance at the Esplanade..i dont know where we are going to meet leh..managed to dig out $20 from my wallet to pay for the tickets...the internet bills came not long ago..$45++ man...i bet this month's bill is going to be much higher because i practically go online everyday and for long hours too...*sigh*money is such a headache..now i only left about $30++ in my so-called "bank"(my personal one lah)..trying to save as much money as i can and at the same time shed some fats..hahaz..sometimes i really wish that money would fall from the skies above..how cool can it be man..

About my psalm...im really nervous at this moment..just singing in front of the choir im so nervous already..not mentioning the whole church........*sigh*wo zuo ren zuo dao hen shi bai...i think many people agree..i dont excel in anything loh...im going to disgrace the choir next week...*sigh*why did they pick me to sing psalms man..of all people me....

Im feeling exhausted after a day of singing and stuff...oh ya..one of the new comer argh(guy)...whoa..he very naughty leh..cant stand him..but not as naughty as my brother lah...Jeremy left half way during practice as he had to make his hair for his grad. night..well..like that loh..cant wait till sat...die lah die lah....!

27/11/04

2004-11-27T22:33:00.000+08:00

OMG...thats all i can say...my life's ruin..all thanks to my so-called PAL...it shouldnt happen this way..it should not even happen!wo mei you lian jian ren le...argh!!!!tell me this isnt true...tell me this isnt happening...its so embarrassing...omg..what am i suppose to do??kill myself??!!how am i suppose to face the choir peeps??tell me its all a bad dream!!!i cant stand it anymore....thats it...no more L***......ignore my past posts...its all rubbish!!!dont believe anything i wrote..if he ever gets to know...i'll know who to blame...disaster!!

Anyway, tonight's practice was okay..not many altos turned up though..time passed really fast during practices...next week's practice, we will concentrate more on the mass..but whatever it is..i cant make it..tomorrow have retreat..must wear choir tee..aiya..so ma fan..tomorrow will be a very busy day..*sigh*the choir is still deciding if they want to sing for 11.30am mass next year instead of the 7 am mass..well..if they decide to change..im very very very sad to say..i cant make it!i'll either have to change choir or quit..but if we remain singing for the 7 am mass, i think its very rushing for all...we'll see what is their conclusion when the time comes...*sigh*choir ah choir.........

Today's bible class retreat was quite okay..saw Geri and Joe downstairs during our break..i think they went to sing for the wedding mass...back to the retreat...i think its very meaningful..it has taught me lots about life and relationships and stuff lah..the people are very friendly and are fun to be with..though the hours were long..i managed to stay attentive throughout the whole session..first time sia..they sang beautiful songs which made me wanna cry...oh ya..about the sluts...the younger one is good..i bet the older is even better...im going to be defeated....what should i do?????i cant turn to evil....dont make me do something nasty to them...(although they suck!)what the **** is happening to me nowadays man...why am i so unlucky?is it your arrangments, God?im tired of everything..i just want to let go and relax...but the prob is...i cant!there are so many things waiting to be completed....

Overall...its a really bad week for me..it suck like as though it has never suck before...i cant stand it!die manda die!!you know what i really really really really want now???????DIE!!

25/11/04

2004-11-25T20:26:00.000+08:00

hey..today is Selene's birthday...!i wished her happy birthday first thing in the morning..hahaz..hope i didnt wake her up..didnt go for training today..too tired..besides, i've got projects and homework waiting to be completed..nah..too lazy to do..the most say forget then the next day then hand in..what an excuse hahaz..today was quite ok...when out with my dad and sickening brother..cant stand my brother man..so sissy..worse then the other geremy..(at least thats what i think)..he arhz..like those kind of small small flip hps which are meant for girls..some more he wants the colour red..omg..gay man..then ask him to go order food, he doesnt want cause he scared..wa lao..smack him on the face arhz..at arhz i tell you..he has a pillow and he calls it his 'baby'...*BLEAH*im disgusted by his actions..i cant think of a genuine good point that he has...hmm...crying??yea..i think thats it..he is the worse thing that ever happened in my life..i want to treat him nice and stuff but......HE IS MAKING IT IMPOSSIBLE!!!anyway..back to today's outing..we went to Marina Square to shop and found it dead boring..so we decided to go to the Esplanade to have lunch...its horrible..(people dont ever go there for shopping...boring)..we got fed up and decided to go Great World City for lunch..well i ate rib eye steak(dont know how to spell)..guess what...when i sliced the meat into half...blood oozed out...it was as though i was eating a raw steak or something..haha..im feeling sick man..im never eating bloody stuff again..

So sian..nobody online..no one to talk to..this sat got bible class retreat..dont feel like going..oh wait..i've gotten over him!ok here's the fun part..wanna know more about him??im not bad mouthing him or something..hahaz..its just what my cousins told me....hahaz...well..here goes..when he was young, he used to play with my cousins together with his sister...guess what they played..MISS UNIVERSE!!!hahaz..and he was Miss Korea...hahaz..after all the cat walk and stuff...he won!!i cant help but laugh...my cousins used to call him 'Jasmine'..then i think his parents heard them and was unhappy..so my cousin went to tell miss korea.." You dont like Jasmine arhz?then we call you Jerelyn lorz ."...hahaz...tsk tsk tsk..he is so pitiful..having cousins like that...

Im having people, whom i dont know, reading my blog!i even had a malay guy reading it..omg..sheesh..hahaz..dont care larz..i think im going insane after feeling depressed..hahaz!well..no more insiration liaoz...write next time...birthday coming*hint hint*....

24/11/04

2004-11-24T14:58:00.000+08:00

The match

Today we had a friendly match with Bedok North secondary school..i hate playing with them..they are not serious at all..they kept laughing and talking while the game was on..they even scold fuck and stuff..if they do not play seriously, then i dont see a point in playing a meaningless game..well, overall we lost to them by 9 points..as my seniors, they trashed them like shit! 52-19...you should have seen the game..the Bedok North players have POOR discipline..no self control at all...a total waste of time..

Today

I went to church to practice this sun's hymns and my 2 psalms..it didnt take long to complish it..Geri couldnt make it so only Jason and i were there..i didnt exactly mastered my psalm but i roughly know the idea how it should be sung..Jason doesnt know the tempo for the psalms so i just practice getting the tune right..*sigh*after practice..Jason walked with me until somewhere near the bridge there and he left..at least he had the heart to walk with me..im feeling much much better after bothering Geri for continuously 3-4 days and after singing my heart out in church..i think Geri was kinda pissed off with me..hahaz..alright..i'll go back to my grown up self..we are doing a different alleluia for mass and i dont know how to sing!!!sms selene she never reply..its about time she get her phone changed..

Read Geri's blog just now..she sounded angry..hmm......aiya..people just love being bo liao what..these are Singaporeans we are talking about..its common..she wanted me to tell her what my cousins said about her and i did..now she is like "whaddahell"...o_0III....dont tell her better..see lah..thats the outcome of me being big mouth..sheesh..didnt expect her to have such a big reaction..tsk..

Next next week im going overseas already..Jason is leaving 1 day before i do..he is going to Australia and im going to China..so we'll both miss the same mass..hahaz..what a coincidence..next week, im starting my chinese tuition again..sian lah..study study study..at least ask me study science still not so bad..but chinese??forget it man..i've got plans for my future already..im going to work hard next year and go into a pure science or tripple science class..but first i have to improve my maths...help anyone??i want to go into a JC and then U...i dont want to take up sports anymore(although its good for health)..i want to try performing arts..its what i've always wanted to take up..but no chance..so i guess next year i cant be as involved in choir as i am this year..its going to be so hard to adapt to life that contain less of choir...

Regarding the sluts..im still not giving up..Geri asked me who were they but i couldnt bring myself to say it out..if not she'll say "oh please..grow up!"...and then we'll start to hate each other again..hahaz..but i want to say this to all seniors...beware!they'll suck up to you guys and think as though they reign supreme..dont be fooled!!!!workshop's this sun and i'll see what i can come up with...hur hur hur!

To Geri:Thanks for being there for me when im down..i know i pissed you off and i hope you'll forgive and forget..im trying extremly hard to be what you all want me to be because i no longer know who i am or who i was..i appreciate your good intentions..thanks!

Heartbroken

2004-11-23T15:11:00.000+08:00

This is going to be a very short post..last night i got to know something about u-know-who and him from G.D Tan..i didnt expect this to happen nor do i want it to happen..but since they are together all i can do is wish them all the best..what's not mine, will never be mine..spent the whole night trying to get over it..i cried and stuff..i think im feeling better now..but the wound is still there..well...maybe its for the best..i've fozen my heart to solid ice..and it wont be easy to break..im going to isolate myself for a while and i hope it will do me good.....love is painful..

22/11/04

2004-11-22T22:31:00.000+08:00

hey..today has been a long day for me..morning i went to my friends house to do project till evening..then i came online and chatted with Geri..its been a long since someone ever chatted with me..haiz..i still got tons of homework havent do..and the thing is i dont even know what homework i have..these few days i dont know what's up with my mum..she gets angry over the slightest things..maybe she is exhausted from a long day of work i guess..cant blame her..haiz..this coming wed im having a friendly match with Bedok North..wish me good luck!

Yesterday,the choir was quite ok during mass...i think......2 more weeks and im doing psalm..getting more and more nervous each day..how??this wed after the match im going to church with jason to practice my psalms and the hymns for this sun's mass..sun we are having a workshop for the Pri 6s and the sluts..dont know if i should look forward to it or the other way round..im trying to practice as often as possible, but time is against me..i need more time and help..i'll be missing 2 combine practice due to some reasons..haiz..i dont like to miss practice..its like missing a chance to prove myself to the rest of the choir members..there will be competiton coming in..i have no time to rest..PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT!

Jason seems to be sad about something regarding band..i think he didnt get choosen for something..aiya..as long as he's band, there is always a chance to get selected....4 more weeks to Christmas!alright!cant wait..but on the other hand i dont want Christmas to approach to quickly..im not prepared for the new year..i have this feeling that im leaving the choir after Christmas..im praying very hard now that my parents will understand what i enjoying doing the most and that it is not affecting my studies...

Im feeling depressed now...i dont know what to do...so many things..i wonder what would happen to me when i grow up man..i'll be sent to mental hospital...all of the sudden, i dont want to care about anything..or be bothered about anything..i just want a shoulder to lean on...its all i want.....

18/11/04

2004-11-18T22:30:00.000+08:00

haiz..yesterday i went for the meeting together with Geri..she say what..im representing the sec 1s..haiz..i almost fell out with my dad just to go for the meeting..he says that i focus too much on choir and that i neglect my studies..but now is holiday what..cant expect me to study at this time, in this kind of atmosphere..besides choir has tones of activities coming up..i've already withdraw myself from some of the activities to please my parents..what more do they want?is it fair to me??no!yesterday's bball training was quite tough..today we had a friendly match with Zhonghua Sec..we lost to them by 1 point..just 1 pathetic point..haiz..so disappointed..

This evening i spent half an hour trying to log in to my yahoo! account to send the contents of last night's meeting to everyone in STAC..i think there is something wrong with my computer already..caught virus i assume..i spent another 1h just to type out the info..then after i finished i sms Geri..i asked why was she angry with Leonard and she asked me to call her because she got free incoming then i told her to save her free incoming for her bf..i think she got angry..well i didnt mean to read her blog..besides even if i dont read her blog, i'll also know..remember that time i went for the choir retreat?during praise and worship michelle sms her saying that she cannot make it due to some particular reasons..then i saw her inbox and it was full of the same person's name..hahaz...aiya..this kind of thing sooner or later people will know what so why keep it a secret?i know im in the wrong of invading her privacy....so....To Geri if you ever read my blog-im sorry and i didnt mean to make you angry..

Actually im still kinda angry with Leonard larz..i still cant forgive him..but i'll try as long as he stops bitching at the choir..im doing psalms soon...*nervous*i tell you i'll tremble in fear even before i go up to the mic..Almighty God..help me!!oh ya...for the past few days, Paul has always been helping me improve my blog..i dont know what my blog would be like without his help-Thanks Paul..owe you one..

I've been really short-tempered lately due to the stress...so people whom i've offended i apologize..Just watched Singapore Idol just now..Olinda Cho rocks i tell ya..she's good..she is one rich lady..haiz..im going overseas soon and i will have to miss choir practice..sadded sadded sadded...i want to stay in Singapore..i dont want to miss choir..ok i stop here..today i got no inspiration to write anything after writing the stuff that im suppose to write..

My birthday coming horz....

14/11/04

2004-11-14T23:16:00.000+08:00

haiz..the retreat wasnt today..its on the 28 of nov...im determined to improve myself as there will be competition coming in when the new recruits come in...im going to push myself like i've never pushed before..but i need someone to help me..thats why im seeking jason's help..he is going to take over sam's place soon...heard that beatrice and her sister are both in school choir and they are very good..but they always suck up to people...so..................i have to improve!!!i have only 2-3 weeks left to improve..crucial time yea...i seriously need tips from people...ok...from now onwards i will just let out everything..i wont hold back myself anymore...at least i think i held back..right now im making myself compete with selene so that i can improve..then i'll compete with geremy for wider range..hmm...hope it helps..haiz...stress arhz stress..

Today went back to the Singapore Expo for the John Little warehouse sale..it was not as crowded as before but still crowded..spent $200 over bucks again like yesterday...yesterday i spent about $150 over on undergarments alone..and the rest on winter clothes..then i spent about $100 plus on sushi..*yum yum*boy was it delicious...it was the first time i spent so much money at one go...incredible man..i havent earn money yet i spend so much money...haiz...

Today during mass..there was no conductor..Geri, Leonard and Cat werent there as they had to go recruit some more pri 6s into our choir..the response was quite good..during practice, Leonard started to bitch again but it wasnt as bad the the previous time..after practice we went for breakfast as usual..amazingly 90% of them were eating macaroni..is it macaroni day or sonething???nah..after eating they started talking about today's mass again..then leonard said we actually sounded nice for one hymn during practice..but its only one hymn..not good enough..need to get better...any ideas people???actually i dont mind having more practice..its enjoyable to me...i dont know about the rest larz....i seriously have pitching problems and i need to widen my range....HELP!!!

I found that i've grown closer to my parents..they are much more understanding now...still not up to my standard but its good enough larz..my brother is getting out of hand...i dont know what to do to tame the wild beast inside of him..now i have so much things on my mind and there is no one to share the burden with me so i just have to bear it alone...im getting depressed with all the competition going on in choir and the bitching i get from Leonard...with family members..with my project(that is to be completed by the end of nov)..with my up coming psalms..argh!!!! my world is crashing down......

Ok..enough of whining..gtg...need a break..

12/11/04

2004-11-12T23:32:00.000+08:00

heyz..back from the vocal workshop..extremly tired..that guy is a pro man..anyway..he made the sopranos(us) sing the line that has the very high note over and over and over again..tiring..but overall it was a good experience..i could finally hit a b flat(high)..im feeling over the moon now..hahaz..i think the pro guy got a bit annoyed with us making the same mistake over and over again..but cant help it larz..everyone has pitching problems(especially me!)...the way he speaks is fantastic..his english is WOW!!!

I kinda forgave leonard already..because i was happy over some matters..i just figured out that as long as im kept happy, i can forgive anyone easily...i never know that in the begining...the past few days quite a number of people said that i looked like Gerianne............hmm..do i??nah.....Geri is Geri...me is me..yesterday, jason, paul and i were in the admin office watching Singapore Idol...the facilities there is horrible..the computer doesnt have internet(they dont even have a modem!), it doesnt have games and the television shows double effect...the only good thing is that there was air-conditioning...thank god..so now the next event coming up is the primary 6's retreat...there is a 13 and 14 year old girl, which the sec 1s dont really like, that joined the choir...they are proud and would try all means and ways to get into good books of the adults....im sad to say.....hate them..well i cant reject them so i just have to work harder to prove to the choir that im much better then the both of them...i must!argh...........................

Well now im still trying to learn how to play the keyboard on my own...my dad still refuses to send me for piano lessons..he's afraid that i'll direct too much attention into music and neglect my studies..haiz..my parents are so naggy nowadays..dont know whats gotten into them..next year mass will be changed to 7am in the morning and then bible class will be at 9.30am if im not wrong...its all Fr.Tay's doings i tell you...its all his fault that we have to wake up so early to sing for the mass...haiz..looks like our lives will be miserable from next year onwards...sometimes i really wish that time could just freeze so that i can stay in the moment that i treasure the most forever..but as we all know that is impossible and that nothing is forever..if only it was possible..

After all the months of searching..im still looking for that prince in shining armour..hahaz...maybe i'll meet him when im older ba...my feelings for certain people are always off on off on one..i myself is confused too..haiz..

*71 more days to my birthday!

11/11/04

2004-11-11T01:54:00.000+08:00

Haiz..another day has just passed just like that..tomorrow is the retreat and i dont seem to be very excited about it..haiz..im just feel so confused nowadays especially after i've directed my AIM to someone else a few months ago..i dont really know what i feel for him..although i dont really talk to him often but i kinda find him CUTE!maybe others have a different opinion of him but i wont let it the better of me...i only see him on the weekends as he only APPEARS on weekends..hahaz..he is obviously older then me and he is white!ok enough of my fantasies..............

Today is a totally boring day..morning i wake up, watch a bit of TV here and there......and then my dad drags me to ang mo kio to get his hp changed..after 2h of consideration, he decides to get NK6230 at the price of $316...then we went to Uncle James's diamond shop..i sat there for the whole evening watching NC16 shows...hahaz..for example 'MEAN GIRLS' and stuff like that..its kinda nice i must admit..with all the kissing and stuff..you know...........anyway...after rotting for the whole evening, my dad went to fetch my mum from work and its 'HOME SWEET HOME'...i've decided...when its my turn to change my phone, i want to get Pantech GF200...i may not have seen the actual phone but i think its nice from the leaflet that i've gotten..

Up till today, i still cant figure out how to link people for my blog...its getting on my nerves..there is absolutely no one i can turn for help..oh god..tell me im dead...my blog is still plain and boring..i dont know why i even bother to up date it man...haiz..i guess i just had to let out what is inside of me occasionally..dumb blog!

Its been 3 days and i still cant seem to forgive leonard for scolding me in front of the whole choir..do you know how embarrassing it was for me...i must admit at that point of time i wanted to just cry out and just stomp out of the church..leaving everyone behind..i wanted to leave the choir...i wanted to leave everything behind me and not turn back in case i regret......but i didnt do it..i guess God didnt want me to...you should have seen that pair of eyes he used to stare at me..its still fresh in my mind...he wanted to eat me up..i knew it..he didnt like me from the start till the end..he scolded me for looking at other scores before mass...selene was also looking at it what..why didnt he scold her??why does it always have to be me?is it fair?i know im whinning again but i just cant help it..how would you feel you tell me...i just recovered from my high fever and i had to face his stinking dirty face!i know everybody is getting sick nowadays but what can you ecpect from me?i just a meer 13-year-old girl..he scolds me for giving the excuse of being sick when i didnt sing loudly and went off-pitch..but he was the one who asked me to sing softly if i was going to cough the whole time(which i did)....i followed his instructions and i get scolded for not doing the opposite..is this what im in the choir for????apparently.....NO! this may be a small matter to the rest of the choir members..but its big stuff to me..i cant stand being humiliated in front of tons of people...i dont wish to say this but i have to cause i cant keep it inside me anymore........I HATE HIM!!! i tell u..not only i
hate him..there's more then it meets the eye.... bitch

*cooling myself down* just read Geri's blog not long ago..she stalked someone!! cant believe she actually did that....its kinda cheap to me...(no offense)anyway...holidays are passing too quickly..i havent done my holiday homework yet..haiz..dont feel like doing it..but what can i do?like i have a choice..haiz...

gtg..bye......unwinded...

06/11/04

2004-11-06T17:20:00.000+08:00

hey hey hey....im back..im still sick though its been at least a week..today i went back to school to hand up my booklist for year 2005..haiz..i bet next year's work will be tougher then i expected..today is my school's open house..not many pri 6 students though...i think its because my school didnt really broadcast its open house thats why..anyway, this morning i passed by the basketball court of my school and i saw my own teamates having a match against the C' Boys..i wonder what was the outcome...hmm...saw Mrs Amin talking to another teacher today..she look quite fine to me..she still carries that pair of rosey cheeks...recently she added me on friendster, and her husband is quite good-looking i must admit...hahaz..always thought she didnt have good taste..hahaz...but looks like im proven wrong....

The holidays have just started and im begining to feel a bit bored..all i do is wake up late, watch television programme, eat and sleep...how interesting can that be??i feel like a total pig now..i have absolutely nothing to do at home...just lying on my HARD sofa and wait to rot...hahaz..its like what's the point in going out when you cant spend any money?i dont have any spare cash as it is the holidays and i dont get any pocket money...during the exam period, all i ever want is to have holidays but looks like now i dont want it anymore..i'd rather go back to school and see all my friends agian..

Tomorrow night there is choir practice going on in church if im not wrong..cant wait manx..i already missed one week's of practice, cant afford to miss another..tomorrow is the first week of the month again and so i(we) have to wear choir tee for mass...i tell ya..i cant really fit into that t-shirt anymore...its just fitting and i dont like to wear fitting clothes..i think fitting clothes shape out all my FATS!!!!hahaz...wonder if there is anymore programme tomorrow....i really hope the choir will organize some other stuff for us to attend like another retreat or a pot-luck or something like that..I'VE GOT TOO MUCH TIME~!!!give me sonething to do baby...these few days the thought of backing out from cantoring has been flowing through my mind AGAIN..i dont know if i should do it..what if it turned out to be like the previous incident how??it will be so embarrassing for me..oh God...tell me what on earth should i do...give me the confidence once again...

Today my parents and went to dont know what shopping centre to shop..inside got all the sports shop one(you can hardly find shopping centres like this nowadays)..after browsing through the many many many pairs of shoes for about 2h, i finally bought a pair of shoe from a converse shop...at first my dad wanted to get me a pair of shoe that looked exactly like Geri's but different colour larz...Nike one of course...but i rejected it...cause i wanted to be different i dont want my shoe to be the same as Geri's...hahaz...thats how i landed in a converse shop..that pair of shoe which my dad bought cost about $80++.....so damn expensive....hahaz...if i were him, i wouldnt spend my money on such expensive shoes...hahaz..maybe on music stuff ba...ok gtg...see ya!

*People-77 more days to my birthday!

2/11/04

2004-11-02T20:54:00.000+08:00

heyz...im so worned out..on sat morning, i discovered that i was down with HIGH FEVER!but this didnt stop me from going for training..when i got home i measured my temperature, guess what...........its was 39.7 degress !!i thought i was going to die and that i'll never see the face of this world again....but nah..its was just my childish thinking..thinking that my temperature was too high. my parents took me to a doctor and he gave me a week's MC..but because of this, i missed 2 masses..haiz..

The programmes in stored for the choir during nov and dec, are like the stars in the night sky..too many to count..next sun i think we are recruiting some P6 into the choir..then the following sun we are having a workshop for them..on the 11 and 12 of nov, there is a vocal workshop and retreat in stored for the combine choir...then in dec 4 we are going to the 'durian' to catch a concert or something like that...looking forward to all these activities..

Today i went for a dental checkup...i was terrified in the begining but later part it was ok..i always hated dentists due to a bad experience i had when i was in Pri school..the dentist was suppose to pluck out one of my tooth but before she did that, she injected something in to my gums...i yelled in pain and tears filled my eyes..i didnt expect the pain to be so intense..up till today i could still feel the pain in my head..I HATE DENTAL CHECKUPS!!

My plan is about to expire soon and i can change a new handphone liaoz...hmm..wonder what model should i get..not too expensive but not too lack also..haiz..there are so many things that i want but i doubt that my dad will get it for me as he had already retire...i guess i'll just have to save enough money and get it on my own..

*People...my birthday is coming in about 2 1/2 month's time....dont forget to get me the BIGGEST present u can find!!

29/10/04

2004-10-29T07:41:00.000+08:00

hey hey..im back again..today is my school's parent-teacher meeting therefore i dont need to go to school..hahaz..my dad has gone to send my mum to work so here i am updating my blog SECRETLY...well..nothing much happened the past few days..got promoted up into sec 2 express..i received my tae kwan do gee from my sir already!!so cool..im going to take my next grading at the end of sec 3..so i guess i'll just have to train harder..hahaz..yesterday, Mr Lee(my school's DM)told us which are our new classes and made us walk back and forth to make sure we dont take up too much time next year..my class is located at the back of the school...directly beside the smelly toilet..hahaz..i tell u..if this is the case, my class people next year dont need to eat liaoz..because when our class was located very near the canteen, we still didnt managed to get our food..now we are even further...haiz..no need to eat liaoz larz..kinda miss my old classroom..wonder what it will be like next year..yesterday's bball training..was so damn slack..sec 1s had to do basics...haiz...sianx larz...dribble half court then dribble back..on Nov 6 is Nan Chiau High School's open house..and we are having training on that day to attract people to join bball...hiaz...holidays are finally here..woohoo!at last i can let down my hair...but i still have to go back to school for training..hiaz..then still got holiday homework to do..what kind of holiday is this manx..as for choir..nothing mach..we are still practicing the hymns for christmas..there is a workshop and a retreat for us coming up soon..looking forward to it..ok i gtg..update later..

24/10/04

2004-10-24T16:09:00.000+08:00

haiz..another day has passed..1 more week left and im gonna have school holidays!!ahhhhhhhh..time to relax..tonight got choir prac...looking forward to it...attended the wedding mass yesterday...it was wonderful!!!so romantic...the songs were great..i asked for the scores from leonard but he DOESNT WANT to lend me...how selfish of him..bleax!the church's canteen was bea-u-ti-ful...hahaz..air-conditioned some more..we thought we were eating in a restaurant or something like that..hahaz...so grand..not many adults came for the mass...only sam and leonard were there together wit selene, isabelle, jasmine sim, jason and i..i tell u arhz..the church very...........aiya dont know what is the word for it..although the choir was very small, we didnt had to sing very loud because we had..............MICROPHONES!!!!hahaz....cool isnt it..even the speakers had microphones...our church cant hold a candle to THAT church..oh ya...after the wedding mass and FREE buffet, we manage to hear their own choir do some warm ups...the moment they opened their mouths and sing, our jaws dropped open!!its was fantastic..they sounded so..........blended..so soothing...then leonard said,"Our choir can never be like that!"hahaz...actually its quite true larz...with people like me in the choir, seriously cannot be like them..hahaz..it was raining and with only 2 umbrellas and 7 people..i had to walk in the rain..(not only me larz)..on the bus, selene and i were sort of gossiping..hahaz...hmm...wonder how fr.fred felt when he saw his ex-gf getting married to another guy...his heart must be broken*piang*...sadded sadded sadded..today is the first time i really felt being in A CHOIR...because almost everyone was present...even joe...almost all the seats were occupied(unlike the normal sundays where only 3-4 benches were occupied)...we sounded much much much better than other sundays...the feeling was great..but i guess the reason almost everyone was there is because today is world mission sunday ba...haiz...if only every sunday we could be like that.....now the choir is thinking to recruiting some more people from the pri 6s...my opinion is that...they wont join one..pri 6 students dont care and wont want to get themselves into anything...so dont even bother trying..but this is just my opinion larz..youngster nowadays are so..................ungrateful???ignorant???(18 and below)dec 5 is coming soon.........*nervous*

i love this song...

Perhaps Love

John Denver

Perhaps love is like a resting place
A shelter from the stormIt exists to give you comfort
It is there to keep you warmAnd in those times of trouble
When you are most alone
The memory of love will bring you home

Perhaps love is like a window
Perhaps an open door
It invites you to come closer
It wants to show you moreAnd even if you lose yourself
And don`t know what to do
The memory of love will see you throughLove to some is like a cloud
To some as strong as steel
For some a way of living
For some a way to feelAnd some say love is holding on
And some say letting goAnd some say love is everything
And some say they don`t know

Perhaps love is like the ocean
Full of conflict, full of painLike a fire when it`s cold outside
Or thunder when it rains
If I should live forever
And all my dreams come true
My memories of love will be of you
And some say love is holding on
And some say letting goAnd some say love is everything
And some say they don`t know

Perhaps love is like the mountains
Full of conflict, full of change
Like a fire when it`s cold outside
Or thunder when it rains
If I should live forever
And all my dreams come true
My memories of love will be of you

22/10/04

2004-10-22T21:58:00.000+08:00

im back!!!tomorrow is my mum's birthday and there is a wedding mass going on..haiz...guess what???i passed my tae kwan do grading!!!so now dont make me angry or else i'll punch u till u beg for mercy...hahaz...finally manx..the trip to the farm was quite ok...the tour guide was talking and half the clas was sleeping!we bought mushrooms and veggies...very cheap...today i didnt have to go to school cause it's my school's promotion day...cool isnt it..then this afternoon Jason came to my house to teach me how to play the keyboard..i learnt how to play a bit only though..hahaz..school holidays are approaching..cant wait..life now is still the same..choir prac is still going on..in fact we are going to have MORE choir prac..hahaz...i like it manx..hmm..wonder what to get my mum for her birthday...a watch???nah............sun glasses?nah.....aiya forget it larz..see how first..my parents are so annoying today...i told them that Jason was coming to the house to teach me..then they keep saying that "oh...your BOYFRIEND coming huh???" like that....ANNOYING!!!!he is not my boyfriend....he is just a simple friend..besides i just started talking to him on msn nia....what minds my parents have manx..hahaz..everytime think crooked. Just a few more weeks left and its my turn again to psalm...its so nerve wrecking..i am still wondering what my career will be in the future...hmm...a year has passed and im gonna be sec 2 next year...*hooray*got juniors already...ok...update agn when i got the time...

19/10/04

2004-10-19T15:48:00.000+08:00

*sigh*another day has juzst passed..i just got back all my results for my year-end examination..i did badly...i feel so upset and down..i just cant imagine myself not being in the choir anymore..its life to me manx..my parents said that if they could, they would stop all my activities(esp. choir) so that i can concentrate on my studies even more..but if they do that..i myself know that in stead of concentrating more, i'll do even worse..choir has been my source of energy to carry on studying..if i quit, what will happen to me??i feel so lost now..i dont even dare to tell my parents my results..haiz..just my luck..anyway..today i ask Mrs Ng(my maths teacher)to help me palm-read..guess what she said............she said that i m a very intelligent girl but i never work hard enough....im very independent.....after saying these, she walked away..but something seemed to hold her back...she looked at my palm again and said that i've already started something which one day will be my career..hahaz...hmm..i wonder...is it tae kwan do?badminton?basketball?or even music???hahaz...i really hope that its music.....its my life manx..im so curious now that i cant stop thinking of what my future would be like...i'll just leave it up to god to decide then..hahaz...tomorrow all sec 1s will be going to 3 different farms...(BORING!!!!!)I dont think it will be THAT interesting....but what to do??its one of our post-exam activities what..haiz..god...i really hope u can help make things for me better..i dont know how to tell my parents about my results...i feel as though i was bashed down from heaven to 18th level of hell...i seriously LOVE singing and i hope u wont stop me from doing that...no one else understands my passion for music except god..no matter how hard i try to tell people that i love music, they will just say, "yea yea".My mind is set...when i grow up, i want to enter a MUSIC SCHOOL and achieve greats heights...i want to be different from other people..i have different ambitions...dont worry god....i'll work hard for my dream to come true...but i think i will need some help from u....hahaz....................tonight there is tae kwan do training...wonder if the grading results are out...hmm..if i passed, i'll be a JUNIOR BLACK BELT!!!!! hahaz...looking forward to it....wait for my good news!!!!(i hope)

17/10/04

2004-10-17T17:33:00.000+08:00

im back again..today during mass, everything went bonkers..the hymns are quite new to me so all i could do was stand there and keep my mouth shut..the choir was in a mess and most people do not know the hymns..hahaz..it was so embarrassing lorz. Not many people turned up today..last night's choir prac was tedious..we ended at about 10.15pm. We spent about 2 1/2 h singing 3 hymns and the sops kept making the same mistake over and over again..Elvina kinda scolded sharron and the both jasmines for not listening to the midis as they didnt really sing last night..they have settled on the dress code for christmas and its SOLID marron top and black bottom...we might even have to wear black shoes..hiaz..where to find marron top u tell me..see..join choir must spend so much money on clothes and shoes..my parents are not pleased already..how??then on 12 nov got vocal workship for all of us..i wont want to miss it..its a once in a lifetime experience. This sat, there is a wedding mass held at st francis xavier..cool..i get to sing for wedding mass again..hmm..wonder if there is any free food or buffet and stuff like that..hahaz..im starting to feel annoyed by some people in choir( i dont mean the adults)..they keep ask questions which they already know the answer..its like as though they have no brains to figure out what is what..all they know is that prac is very tough and they want to quit and stuff like that...so pissed off with them..ok larz..i know im not that perfect either larz..but WHERE ARE YOUR BRAINS??!! tomorrow i have to go back to school already..maybe im getting back my results..im terrified..lets hope that it wont turn out to be so bad..im still waiting for people to teach me how to play the keyboard...im waiting..............................

16/10/04

2004-10-16T13:09:00.000+08:00

hey hey hey..im so tired..do u know what coach made us do during training???we ran 112 rounds round the basketball court and then skip 250 doubles...try doing that manx..now my whole body suffering as though im in hell...im so tired...oh ya...about last night's psalm..hahaz..i went off key so many times!!! i started on the wrong note but somehow ended on the right note..hahaz..amazing isn't it??i don know how i did overall as u know i was so nervous..ask auntie brenda if u wanna know more...u can never imagine how nervous i was..i was nervous until my voice was shaking when i sing..hahaz...everyone who was there can be my witnesses..Now, manda doesnt regret doing psalm..instead..she hopes to do more of it to gain more experience..thank God for giving manda all the courage and confidence she needed and thank Geri for being there to give advise and support!!UR THE BEST! tonight there's choir prac and i still cant make up my mind whether i should stay put in sop or transfer to alto for christmas..manda's breaking point is very low and if she sings alto she wont be able to project her voice..so the conclusion is that she is more comfortable in sop..but how to tell cat and geri??i told cat that i'll try after my exams are over...but.....IM NOT WILLING..its strange..last time i insisted in singing alto..but now...i'd rather stay in sop...oh god...plz help me find the right place in choir..i know that i may not have a nice or sweet voice but i really am comfortable and enjoy singing in sop..plz.............i seriously need your help.. Monday school reopens...i dont exactly want to go back to school u see...haix..how i wish i could stay at home or rather move to church and sing in the choir all my life..how sweet can that be..hahaz..kkaez..i gtg already..i'll update again when i have the time...

15/10/04

2004-10-16T01:40:00.000+08:00

argh!!!!its my school's marking day and i dont need to go to school...cool isn't it..i so damn love my parents man..they bought me a piano keyboard!!!it was all i ever wanted..woo hoo..didnt see that coming.So excited and happy, i played it the whole day from morning till night.crazy arent i..haix..isabelle asked sam if he could teach us how to play the keyboard but sam said that he was too busy as he is going to have exams in nov. therefore he could only teach us in dec...but its good enough for me...i'd rather learn it for 1 month than not learning at all..hahaz..tonight tonight..im singing psalms for thanksgiving mass...IM SO NERVOUS!!!first time u see..manda manda wat have u gotten yourself into....wat am i going to do??how am i going to react??tonight's mass is for year 1s and year 2s so if i sing psalms, they will laugh one..then i will have no face to see them..do you how embarressing it is to sing the wrong notes on stage???*pressure*manda's nervous..manda is thinking if she should back out last minute..but manda wants to sing psalm and be a cantor...manda's brain is exploding...*boom!*manda needs someone to help her relax but all the cantors that she know werent online and she doesnt want to disturbe them by smsing them..looks like manda can only turn to god for help.................

12/10/04

2004-10-12T14:05:00.000+08:00

todae todae..another boring dae of my life..everyday i go through the same thing over and over again..today i just had my maths paper 2 end-of-year exam..i totally flunked it..i didnt mean to do it u know..i think i flunked all my exams.God i really, seriously dont know what to do now..if i fail i think i have to stop all my activities(that includes choir).But i dont want things to turn out that way..i really regret what i did and did not do..Please understand my needs.Tonight got chior prac for the thanksgiving mass on friday night and im singing psalms.Hope that you will give me the confidence to do it.I know that life ain't a bed of roses and that whatever my life turns out to be, its all done by me.Im telling u this now that i do not know how to control my life and that its sucks big time..Holidays are coming and im missing so many choir prac(which i do not want).Lets hope that i do not fall behind.Cat offered me to sing alto for christmas but i dont wish to do it because right now im more comfortable in sop..so how??any suggestions?i think i'll stop here...i'll voice out my thoughts as soon as i have the time.